This is why I have a day job.

It's "Family Day" here in Ontario (I know, isn't that the lamest fucking name for a stat holiday?) so I have the day off. So far, I've sat through 2 talk shows, I walked away from "the View" (because I'm smart) and I've nearly finished the sweater I've let sit for too long.

Just now, the phone rang. Understand this: the phone rarely rings here, because I'm a hermit. Of course I'm going to answer it, because it could have been a family member (it is FAMILY day, after all) or my favourite person, or friends looking to avoid talking to their families, so they'd like to talk to me.

Or, despite being registered in the government's "Do Not Call Registry", where I am registered through 2013 (I checked), it will be a telemarketer.

I hate telemarketers. That is why they are, by law, not allowed to call me. That's what that registry is all about.

Today, a telemarketer called me. Here's how that shit went down:

LB (me): Hello? [echo...pause...] HELLO? (annoyed!)

Telemarketer (TM): hello ma'am, I am calling from Annoying Window Replacement Company Who Shouldn't Be Calling You Because it's Against the Law. How are you today?

LB: How did you get this number?

TM: We have done work on [Bleep] Street in the past, that is how we got your number.

LB: That doesn't make sense.

TM: Yes it does. [Sorry, what? did you just fucking say that to me?!?]

LB: No, replacing windows on another house on my street doesn't result in you getting my phone number.

TM: I'm calling today to tell you about...

LB: No, you're taking me off your list. That's what you're doing.

*CLICK*

Alright window company, consider yourselves reported. You stand the chance of being fined for dialling the 10 digits it takes to make my phone ring. You asshats.

I want to put the following in the phone book beside my listing: this person does not need her ducts cleaned, windows replaced, tickets to the circus, carpets cleaned, a better internet connection, a better cable package, or tickets to a sporting event she doesn't give a shit about. She doesn't believe for a second that she's won a cruise, a car, or a barbecue. She will not call in regard to a credit card account she does not have. She will report you. Find a better job.

Oddly enough, this is the most family-related thing I will do all day because I know, somewhere, my step-dad is laughing his head off in agreement.

xo
LB