I just woke up from a night of fuuuuucked up dreams that seemed to go on FOREVER. Thanks a lot, brain. Why you gotta be like that? I have a feeling it had something to do with what I ate for dinner last night (stuff that is originally frozen and in a box is no longer my friend, it would seem. That's a good thing, mostly). So I'm up early on my last day off of this holiday weekend thing and I felt the need to ramble.
A lot of sitting and knitting has happened this weekend and that gives me a lot of time to think. Usually I don't think too far ahead about the year to come, but this year is different. I'm coming up on 1 year of attempting to ditch the lard and I've decided it can't hurt to set a goal or two.
**Please note: these are goals, not resolutions. Resolutions are vehicles of guilt. Goals are worked toward. Big difference. **
For the past couple of months, if I'm truly honest about it, I've been fucking the dog when it comes to weight loss and activity. Not to say that I haven't been working at it, because I have, I just haven't been working as hard as I should, or even as hard as I can. It's pretty evident in my lack of blogging, because where there's blog, there's fire. My fire was burning out a little, so it's time to get stoked. For reals.
I realized how much I want that "Holy Shit! Factor". Yeah, it's vain and self-serving but I don't care. I want people who haven't seen me in a while to be dumbfounded. How did I do it, I look fantastic. I've never had that, and I want it. I make no apologies for it, because there isn't a person alive who hasn't wanted something like that at some point. Something about casting the first stone, something about sucking it.
Now is the time to do it. I'm in hibernation/hermit mode at the moment, which means you pretty much have to come see me at work if you want to see me outside my house. Correction: starting tomorrow, you can add the Y to that list if you're willing to wake up that early.
Yes, friends, it's time to get back to the early morning grind. It's time to set the alarm for 4:45 a.m. and it's time to kick out the jams before work. It's time to get back to the regime. Lots of cardio, lots of sweat, lots of laundry.
that's one of a few goals I have in mind for 2010, to keep working at it both in food and in activity, and to get to a good solid weight lost number by this time next year.
There's another super fun and awesome goal that has been set in my mind, but I don't want to blab about that just yet. Gotta make sure my heart doesn't explode or certain joints don't collapse altogether when I try it before I say "yeah, I'm doing this".
So, happy new year to all of you guys, here's to pushing the restart button if you need to, and keep going to the people who've been keeping up the fight all this time.
xo
LB
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
hmpf.
Another week and another little tiny tiny, yet completely annoying, gain.
0.6. Honestly, I wish I knew what the hell did that. I tracked, stayed on plan, everything and yet, there it is. Booooooo. It irritates me, but it's done now so onward we go.
I gotta wonder if it has anything to do with artificial sweetener. Besides all the "oh they human body is mysterious blah blah blah", I've been using artificial sweetener more and more in my coffee at work, and putting it on my cereal instead of brown sugar. I'm wondering if my body doesn't know how to process it. I'm gonna cut it out and see what happens.
Ankle treatments are done for now, which is awesome because I hates them needles. They freak me out almost as much as sidewalks after freezing rain. Ankle feels good, though, so let's hope that this was the ticket.
Back to the gym this week, time to get back into that swing of things. Need to build up my cardio endurance so I can eventually get some skates on my feets. It's a goal for 2010.
Christmas is coming, that's nuts. I'm not overly concerned about holiday dietary disasters. I don't come into a lot of contact with naughty no-no situations so I feel alright. I'm not stressed out about it whatsoever.
So yeah, another Boooooooooooooooring post from me. Sawry.
xo
LB
0.6. Honestly, I wish I knew what the hell did that. I tracked, stayed on plan, everything and yet, there it is. Booooooo. It irritates me, but it's done now so onward we go.
I gotta wonder if it has anything to do with artificial sweetener. Besides all the "oh they human body is mysterious blah blah blah", I've been using artificial sweetener more and more in my coffee at work, and putting it on my cereal instead of brown sugar. I'm wondering if my body doesn't know how to process it. I'm gonna cut it out and see what happens.
Ankle treatments are done for now, which is awesome because I hates them needles. They freak me out almost as much as sidewalks after freezing rain. Ankle feels good, though, so let's hope that this was the ticket.
Back to the gym this week, time to get back into that swing of things. Need to build up my cardio endurance so I can eventually get some skates on my feets. It's a goal for 2010.
Christmas is coming, that's nuts. I'm not overly concerned about holiday dietary disasters. I don't come into a lot of contact with naughty no-no situations so I feel alright. I'm not stressed out about it whatsoever.
So yeah, another Boooooooooooooooring post from me. Sawry.
xo
LB
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Who, me?
Faaaaak! Sorry dudes. Another couple of weeks slipped by and I've neglected this poor blog so badly.
I'm still on the wagon, but on somewhat of a plateau. Not a terrible one, but it is starting to get on my tits a little. Up 0.8, down 2, up 1.2, down 0.8 blah blah blah blah.
Going to the gym hasn't even been on the radar for weeks, and that makes me sad. Work has been insane beyond the membrane so that is eating my morning time and I refuse to go after work because it's just busy and annoying. But still, I am getting at least 40 minutes of rock solid cardio in by walking to and from work. The transit strike (read: greedy fucking bastards whining about their already obscene pay rate) is finally almost over, but they can go fuck themselves. The only time I ride the bus is to get to fat camp on Saturdays, and from now on, weather and ankle permitting, I'll walk to and from. I will give those fucks as little of my money as possible. Argh.
Oh yeah, the ankle. I've had 2 out of 3 injections and it seems to be doing a nice job. Lots less pain and my ankle is tolerating a lot more stress etc. I am hoping it lasts longer than the 6 months it's supposed to, keep your fingers crossed.
Hopefully I'll be back soon, and more interesting at that. I'm in super knitting mode, I just whipped out a pair of mittens yesterday, stripey to match my winter coat/hoodie combo.
I got all bundled up the other morning and decided to document how ridiculous I looked. Par expample:
There's a whole series of them, this is the only one that hides how badly I need to do my eyebrows. I made the scarf I'm wearing, I love that thing. Great colours, greet feel. It's mystery yarn that I got in a bag of "my mom was going to throw it away but hey, you knit!" yarn from my friend Baker a few years ago. I love those kinds of bags.
So yeah, totally boring post. But at least I managed to avoid the recently common topic of shitting. SO many people were talking about their poop. Now people are talking about the holidays. SAME THING. Just kidding. I'll ramble on about holiday eating next week, and how the panic doesn't reeeaaallly apply to me.
peace oot.
xo
lb
I'm still on the wagon, but on somewhat of a plateau. Not a terrible one, but it is starting to get on my tits a little. Up 0.8, down 2, up 1.2, down 0.8 blah blah blah blah.
Going to the gym hasn't even been on the radar for weeks, and that makes me sad. Work has been insane beyond the membrane so that is eating my morning time and I refuse to go after work because it's just busy and annoying. But still, I am getting at least 40 minutes of rock solid cardio in by walking to and from work. The transit strike (read: greedy fucking bastards whining about their already obscene pay rate) is finally almost over, but they can go fuck themselves. The only time I ride the bus is to get to fat camp on Saturdays, and from now on, weather and ankle permitting, I'll walk to and from. I will give those fucks as little of my money as possible. Argh.
Oh yeah, the ankle. I've had 2 out of 3 injections and it seems to be doing a nice job. Lots less pain and my ankle is tolerating a lot more stress etc. I am hoping it lasts longer than the 6 months it's supposed to, keep your fingers crossed.
Hopefully I'll be back soon, and more interesting at that. I'm in super knitting mode, I just whipped out a pair of mittens yesterday, stripey to match my winter coat/hoodie combo.
I got all bundled up the other morning and decided to document how ridiculous I looked. Par expample:
There's a whole series of them, this is the only one that hides how badly I need to do my eyebrows. I made the scarf I'm wearing, I love that thing. Great colours, greet feel. It's mystery yarn that I got in a bag of "my mom was going to throw it away but hey, you knit!" yarn from my friend Baker a few years ago. I love those kinds of bags.
So yeah, totally boring post. But at least I managed to avoid the recently common topic of shitting. SO many people were talking about their poop. Now people are talking about the holidays. SAME THING. Just kidding. I'll ramble on about holiday eating next week, and how the panic doesn't reeeaaallly apply to me.
peace oot.
xo
lb
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Flare Gun
I'm still around, I swear. Not much to report and I haven't been feeling very blogular lately.
Ankle injection treatments start a week from today, and I'm freaking the fuck out. If they don't work, my ankle is getting fused. Cue: freaking. Fingers crossed. I'd cross my toes, but if I could do that, I doubt I would need the shots in the first place.
back and forth with the same 1.8 / 0.2 lbs for the past few weeks. I'm getting annoyed. Not at anything in particular, just an overall "COME ON!". The 260's will happen soon, I hope.
There's a stupid transit strike going on here in London. That means I get to max out on activity points by walking over an hour to get home from my meeting on saturdays. Yeah, the points are nice but when you're doing that on a fucked up ankle instead of paying $30 for a cab home, it ain't so rosy.
For the record, I can't imagine making a minimum of $23/hr and striking because it's not enough, especially when I know a bunch of people out of work right now. I'll save my tirade about the role of the modern-day union for another day.
Time to typeset stuff, peace out.
XO
LB
Ankle injection treatments start a week from today, and I'm freaking the fuck out. If they don't work, my ankle is getting fused. Cue: freaking. Fingers crossed. I'd cross my toes, but if I could do that, I doubt I would need the shots in the first place.
back and forth with the same 1.8 / 0.2 lbs for the past few weeks. I'm getting annoyed. Not at anything in particular, just an overall "COME ON!". The 260's will happen soon, I hope.
There's a stupid transit strike going on here in London. That means I get to max out on activity points by walking over an hour to get home from my meeting on saturdays. Yeah, the points are nice but when you're doing that on a fucked up ankle instead of paying $30 for a cab home, it ain't so rosy.
For the record, I can't imagine making a minimum of $23/hr and striking because it's not enough, especially when I know a bunch of people out of work right now. I'll save my tirade about the role of the modern-day union for another day.
Time to typeset stuff, peace out.
XO
LB
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Absenteeism
Wow. I let a whole week go by without updating, shame on me! Sorry dudes, nothing personal. Well, personal matters for me, but nothing against you guys.
So, it's been slow but steady for the past couple of weeks, down 0.8 last week and 1.8 this week. that puts me at an overall loss of 32.6 which is pretty damn rad. I'm inching closer and closer to the 260's and that makes me happy.
Another thing that makes me happy is that one of my closest friends joined up today so she's officially down in the trenches with me. What makes it even better is that we're 0.2lbs from being the same weight so we're totally starting off on a truly even keel. Not that I'm starting (this is week 44).
Other than that stuff, nothing new and exciting around here. Foot and ankle problems are sending me back to Bone Doctor once again (BOOOOOOOOO) and I'm knitting a lot (YAAAAY).
Right on, right on, right on.
xo
lb
So, it's been slow but steady for the past couple of weeks, down 0.8 last week and 1.8 this week. that puts me at an overall loss of 32.6 which is pretty damn rad. I'm inching closer and closer to the 260's and that makes me happy.
Another thing that makes me happy is that one of my closest friends joined up today so she's officially down in the trenches with me. What makes it even better is that we're 0.2lbs from being the same weight so we're totally starting off on a truly even keel. Not that I'm starting (this is week 44).
Other than that stuff, nothing new and exciting around here. Foot and ankle problems are sending me back to Bone Doctor once again (BOOOOOOOOO) and I'm knitting a lot (YAAAAY).
Right on, right on, right on.
xo
lb
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Onward
Another Saturday, another bus ride to WW. Despite feeling like a sack of shit, I dragged my ass to go weigh in. I knew I'd be up, so I was ready for it. Just a little though, 1.6. I'm still at the 30lb mark so I'm alright with it. Well, not like I have a choice, it is what it is.
I also made it to the gym for aqua fit this week. Fuck me for falling out of my morning gym routine. I need to get back into it, I need to make that effort. Just cardio and aquafit, come on Les. Get fucking to it.
I took a second to check myself out in the washroom mirror before I weighed in. Yes, my body shape is starting to change. I don't see it as much as others, but I saw it a bit today. It felt good, obviously.
Alright, another week guys. This is week 42 for me, that's a long freaking time for me to stay committed to this kind of thing. Not too shabby.
Peace out until next week, unless I can think of more stuff to talk about...
xo
lb
I also made it to the gym for aqua fit this week. Fuck me for falling out of my morning gym routine. I need to get back into it, I need to make that effort. Just cardio and aquafit, come on Les. Get fucking to it.
I took a second to check myself out in the washroom mirror before I weighed in. Yes, my body shape is starting to change. I don't see it as much as others, but I saw it a bit today. It felt good, obviously.
Alright, another week guys. This is week 42 for me, that's a long freaking time for me to stay committed to this kind of thing. Not too shabby.
Peace out until next week, unless I can think of more stuff to talk about...
xo
lb
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Electric Sex Glowing in the Window
For those of you not in the know, the title of this entry comes from a Christmas Story when the dad wins "a major award". Why did I call it that?
Because Erin over at the xxl-files was awesome enough to give me my first blogular award!
Apparently I'm s'pose-da tell you 6 little-known facts about me and then bestow the honour on other bloggers. BUT since most of the blogs I know and love have already have this award, so I'm keepin' it for myself. Total. Rebel.
Alright, what's to know....what's to know...
1) I fucking HATE musicals. With a passion. The only one I will watch is the Sound of Music. Even then it has to be the movie and not live theatre. Hate hate hate hate hate musicals. Hate 'em.
2) I've never seen Casablanca. Nor do I want to. I did, however, see Back to the Beach and Who's that Girl in the theatre in successive days.
3) I watch Gossip Girl every week. Even though it sucks balls this season. And I'm 34 years old. Whatever. No one can judge me as long as there are still people who watch America's Got Talent. Judge them first, they deserve to be punished for it.
4) I wear size 11 shoes. I have huge girl feet.
5) I don't think the Ramones were the greatest punk band to walk the earth. Yes, I said it.
6) I have never set foot in an airport. Sad, but true.
So there you have it. 6 things about me, totally fascinating I'm sure.
I lost 3 lbs this week. That's with Thanksgiving and a dinner out. That puts my total to -32.2, I'm almost to the 260's. Almost.
Keep going.
xo
lb
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Shirtpuller, Inc.
I'm a shirtpuller. Always have been, most likely always will be. I have holes at the bottom hem of the old shirt I'm wearing because I'm constantly pulling it down. Never because it's riding up, or anything like that, I'm constantly tugging on my shirt to hide what no shirt ever could. My back rolls. My belly. My ass. I used to love big shirts, because they would (as far as I was concerned) hide the obvious. Even though I know a thin piece of fabric will ever hide it, I still find myself living the shirtpuller dream these days. I do wonder if I'll ever stop, even years from now when I reach my goal.
I was up 0.8 this week, but honestly, I was relieved. I lost 3 last week and am enduring the female life aquatic so I was braced for a much larger gain. So, I'm definitely not complaining.
This week, my boss and I got into a conversation about weight loss after he remarked on how differently I'm starting to look. Don't worry, it was nothing smarmy or out-of-line, it was a compliment and interest in the process. It was a great conversation about the difficulties of food and training (he trains for marathons), it's cool to relate to him on a human level.
Some of my friends related to my quest to ditch the pounds this week, one of them being my co-worker who lifted 6 reams of 20# bond to feel what the 30 lbs I've lost feels like. She's pocket-sized and was carrying the stack around with a grimace. She said "here, you try it, see what it feels like." I just laughed and said "I already know what it feels like, it was on me!" I did pick up the stack and man, it wasn't light. It really brought that milestone home for me, it's a hefty amount of lard, that 30lbs.
It's thanksgiving here in Canada this weekend, and of course there's going to be a shameful display of awesome at my sister's house tomorrow. But, I have to admit, I'm not stressed about it at all. I'm not getting the gravy shakes, the turkey twitch, or the stuffing sweats. I'm not foaming at the mouth when I think of the desserts, and the wine is a non-issue for me. It's going to be just fine and all under control.
Hopefully back in action at the gym this week. I'm exhausted all the time, I need to get back into it!
xo
lb
I was up 0.8 this week, but honestly, I was relieved. I lost 3 last week and am enduring the female life aquatic so I was braced for a much larger gain. So, I'm definitely not complaining.
This week, my boss and I got into a conversation about weight loss after he remarked on how differently I'm starting to look. Don't worry, it was nothing smarmy or out-of-line, it was a compliment and interest in the process. It was a great conversation about the difficulties of food and training (he trains for marathons), it's cool to relate to him on a human level.
Some of my friends related to my quest to ditch the pounds this week, one of them being my co-worker who lifted 6 reams of 20# bond to feel what the 30 lbs I've lost feels like. She's pocket-sized and was carrying the stack around with a grimace. She said "here, you try it, see what it feels like." I just laughed and said "I already know what it feels like, it was on me!" I did pick up the stack and man, it wasn't light. It really brought that milestone home for me, it's a hefty amount of lard, that 30lbs.
It's thanksgiving here in Canada this weekend, and of course there's going to be a shameful display of awesome at my sister's house tomorrow. But, I have to admit, I'm not stressed about it at all. I'm not getting the gravy shakes, the turkey twitch, or the stuffing sweats. I'm not foaming at the mouth when I think of the desserts, and the wine is a non-issue for me. It's going to be just fine and all under control.
Hopefully back in action at the gym this week. I'm exhausted all the time, I need to get back into it!
xo
lb
Saturday, October 3, 2009
As Promised
At my house, this is what it looks like when you claim your reward for losing 25lbs. The flourishey stuff is the new stuff.
I lurve it.
It also appears that I have a glowing elbow. That may or may not be true.
The dirty thirty
Dirty, dirty, dirty, straight outta the trenches.
I managed to unload 3lbs this week, and that allowed me to hit the 30lb mark right on the fucking NOSE!
To say that I'm happy about it would be quite the understatement. I switched mental gears this week and made some changes and it totally paid off.
I wasn't eating enough. My lunches were small and lacking, and my snacks were starting to suck. This week I went back to my turkey sandwiches for lunch, apples for snacks along with some almonds and cranberries. Good dinners with good food.
Thirty pounds. THIRTY. That means I've lost 10% of myself without losing any limbs or appendages.
I shall celebrate by going to watch the Thames Fatales kick some roller derby ass here in London! The Fatales are a force to be reckoned with this year and the captain of the team said it's going to be one wild and hard fought bout. Hooray for Saturday night!
xo
lb
I managed to unload 3lbs this week, and that allowed me to hit the 30lb mark right on the fucking NOSE!
To say that I'm happy about it would be quite the understatement. I switched mental gears this week and made some changes and it totally paid off.
I wasn't eating enough. My lunches were small and lacking, and my snacks were starting to suck. This week I went back to my turkey sandwiches for lunch, apples for snacks along with some almonds and cranberries. Good dinners with good food.
Thirty pounds. THIRTY. That means I've lost 10% of myself without losing any limbs or appendages.
I shall celebrate by going to watch the Thames Fatales kick some roller derby ass here in London! The Fatales are a force to be reckoned with this year and the captain of the team said it's going to be one wild and hard fought bout. Hooray for Saturday night!
xo
lb
Thursday, October 1, 2009
ink-a-dinka-doo
This is going to be a quicky post because, well, I can't really comfortably type and I need to eat something.
Just stopping in to say that I finally got my first reward scheme tattoo tonight. Oh yes. It's big and neat-o so much more than what was in my head. My tattoo guy, Anthony V., is the best. A great artist and a great human being. He's been my tattoodler for years and years, and did an amazing job turning my idea into something fanfuckingtastic.
This week, I think I'm really back on track. I realized that I hadn't been eating enough and switching up my menu really has made a difference in how I'm feeling. Hopefully the scale will follow suit.
Photos of the new inkage soon. I just got home half an hour ago (it was a 2 hour sitting after work) so I'm still all bandaged up and hurty.
BEST. REWARD SCHEME. EVER.
xo
lb
Just stopping in to say that I finally got my first reward scheme tattoo tonight. Oh yes. It's big and neat-o so much more than what was in my head. My tattoo guy, Anthony V., is the best. A great artist and a great human being. He's been my tattoodler for years and years, and did an amazing job turning my idea into something fanfuckingtastic.
This week, I think I'm really back on track. I realized that I hadn't been eating enough and switching up my menu really has made a difference in how I'm feeling. Hopefully the scale will follow suit.
Photos of the new inkage soon. I just got home half an hour ago (it was a 2 hour sitting after work) so I'm still all bandaged up and hurty.
BEST. REWARD SCHEME. EVER.
xo
lb
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Disenchanted evening...
I'm taking a break from therapeutic knitting to blog. I don't want to, but I'm doing it.
Today was one of those stupid weigh-ins that people dread. The weigh-in that comes after a week of following plan TO A TEE, doing everything right, not so much as a brief culinary indiscretion, only to have a gain on the scale.
Yes, there are reasons for it. Water. Last week's loss. Whatever. None of those things provide any sort of consolation at the moment. I am pissed.
I am going to switch up the menu this week, go over my old trackers and see what I haven't been eating lately, see what's what. I already bought some fennel and carrots to roast for dinner tomorrow night, and I'll sort the rest out tomorrow.
Tonight, I'm just going to knit and try to figure things out. I need to calibrate my brain and get my shit together. I'm tired of the 270's and need to get the fuck out of 'em.
I feel like I'm in a mild nosedive and I need to pull up. I need to reclaim some sort of control. I need to keep going with that whole battle mode feeling.
Have a good week, keep your chin up.
XO
LB
Today was one of those stupid weigh-ins that people dread. The weigh-in that comes after a week of following plan TO A TEE, doing everything right, not so much as a brief culinary indiscretion, only to have a gain on the scale.
Yes, there are reasons for it. Water. Last week's loss. Whatever. None of those things provide any sort of consolation at the moment. I am pissed.
I am going to switch up the menu this week, go over my old trackers and see what I haven't been eating lately, see what's what. I already bought some fennel and carrots to roast for dinner tomorrow night, and I'll sort the rest out tomorrow.
Tonight, I'm just going to knit and try to figure things out. I need to calibrate my brain and get my shit together. I'm tired of the 270's and need to get the fuck out of 'em.
I feel like I'm in a mild nosedive and I need to pull up. I need to reclaim some sort of control. I need to keep going with that whole battle mode feeling.
Have a good week, keep your chin up.
XO
LB
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Down down down
Alright alright alright, now I'm back in this thing.
This week saw another 2.6 pounds kiss my ass goodbye. It might have been more, since this was the first weigh-in in months where I wore jeans instead of my usual yoga capri pant thingers. But dudes, it was 4 degrees when I left the house this morning, and that's just a little to cool for short pants. So I took the chance on the jeans since it's going to be the status quo soon.
After last week's meltdown hissy fit, I got my focus back. That focus paid off, and I'm 1.8lbs away from hitting my 10% body weight lost mark. It may not happen next week, but I'll be good and goddamned if I don't try to clinch it.
I only made it to the gym three mornings this week. Work has been crazytown so it's work vs. overtime. Overtime wins.
But I'm here, I'm focused and I'm working at it. Still in it to win it.
Word up from the trenches, forward march.
xo
lb
This week saw another 2.6 pounds kiss my ass goodbye. It might have been more, since this was the first weigh-in in months where I wore jeans instead of my usual yoga capri pant thingers. But dudes, it was 4 degrees when I left the house this morning, and that's just a little to cool for short pants. So I took the chance on the jeans since it's going to be the status quo soon.
After last week's meltdown hissy fit, I got my focus back. That focus paid off, and I'm 1.8lbs away from hitting my 10% body weight lost mark. It may not happen next week, but I'll be good and goddamned if I don't try to clinch it.
I only made it to the gym three mornings this week. Work has been crazytown so it's work vs. overtime. Overtime wins.
But I'm here, I'm focused and I'm working at it. Still in it to win it.
Word up from the trenches, forward march.
xo
lb
Sunday, September 13, 2009
The menu says: restart, shut down, sleep mode
Man, I've had a hard time writing this update. Another frustrating trip to the scale and one shitty week really didn't motivate me to blab on here.
It started on Tuesday when some broad in the change room at the Y asked me "how far along" I was. I honestly could have ripped her beating heart out of her chest and shown it to her. Instead, I just said "34 years, thanks for asking". The kicker came when SHE looked at ME as if I had pinched a steamin' loaf in her purse.
It's not the first time some ignorant/rude/ridiculous asshole has asked me that, but this time it did more damage than I wanted to admit. I'm working hard at this, and until then I had been feeling pretty alright about everything, except for a few low points. But not this time. It totally knocked me for six.
The rest of the week was busy, stressful, and frustrating. I didn't get to the gym as much as I wanted to, but I still stayed on plan, tracked and walked to and from work. Then I stepped on the scale and it barely moved.
Everybody now: it's a loss, not a gain...
I'm frustrated. I know it's not a race, but I'm not where I want to be 36 weeks into it. I want to be further ahead, I want that total lbs lost number to be higher. I want this fat fucking off of me.
I wish food was something I could just turn my back on. Like cigarettes or booze or anything else I don't consume anymore. I wish it was something I could walk away from and just go forward in my life. Fix what's broken and move on.
But I can't. I'm locked in a fight with the very thing that keeps me alive.
I am overwhelmed. I'm stressed. I'm annoyed. I'm cranky. I'm tired.
I need to reinstate my War Measures Act. I need to remember what it felt like to be a one woman army. I need to pull the pin and hope for the best.
We'll see what a week in the trenches brings.
xo
lb
It started on Tuesday when some broad in the change room at the Y asked me "how far along" I was. I honestly could have ripped her beating heart out of her chest and shown it to her. Instead, I just said "34 years, thanks for asking". The kicker came when SHE looked at ME as if I had pinched a steamin' loaf in her purse.
It's not the first time some ignorant/rude/ridiculous asshole has asked me that, but this time it did more damage than I wanted to admit. I'm working hard at this, and until then I had been feeling pretty alright about everything, except for a few low points. But not this time. It totally knocked me for six.
The rest of the week was busy, stressful, and frustrating. I didn't get to the gym as much as I wanted to, but I still stayed on plan, tracked and walked to and from work. Then I stepped on the scale and it barely moved.
Everybody now: it's a loss, not a gain...
I'm frustrated. I know it's not a race, but I'm not where I want to be 36 weeks into it. I want to be further ahead, I want that total lbs lost number to be higher. I want this fat fucking off of me.
I wish food was something I could just turn my back on. Like cigarettes or booze or anything else I don't consume anymore. I wish it was something I could walk away from and just go forward in my life. Fix what's broken and move on.
But I can't. I'm locked in a fight with the very thing that keeps me alive.
I am overwhelmed. I'm stressed. I'm annoyed. I'm cranky. I'm tired.
I need to reinstate my War Measures Act. I need to remember what it felt like to be a one woman army. I need to pull the pin and hope for the best.
We'll see what a week in the trenches brings.
xo
lb
Saturday, September 5, 2009
another 20 seconds on the scale.
......0.4 loss.
Sigh.
No gym at all this week because the pool and change rooms were closed. But I stayed on plan, continued to walk to and from work, tracked and was well within my limits when I went to see Motorhead. So this week wasn't all for nothing. It never really is. I'm still doing this, but I admit, it's fucking FRUSTRATING at times.
Gotta focus and improve my methods.
I also gotta say this: AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH #^%*@##@$%#$%^^&*()))^@@#($&@&@!!!!!
That should do it.
xo
lb
Sigh.
No gym at all this week because the pool and change rooms were closed. But I stayed on plan, continued to walk to and from work, tracked and was well within my limits when I went to see Motorhead. So this week wasn't all for nothing. It never really is. I'm still doing this, but I admit, it's fucking FRUSTRATING at times.
Gotta focus and improve my methods.
I also gotta say this: AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH #^%*@##@$%#$%^^&*()))^@@#($&@&@!!!!!
That should do it.
xo
lb
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sixty to zero in no time flat
I was up 2 lbs at weigh-in. That didn't go over too well with me. I've been far too cranky all weekend so I decided the old "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything" attitude was the way to go.
I'm pissed, even though my meeting leader assured me that it probably has more to do with my new workout routine than anything else. It still grates on me that the number went up, I need to learn to get over that shit.
This week, the pools are closed and they're re-doing the change rooms at the Y so I'm not doing my usual early morning stuff. Everyone gets to use the family change room which has been divided down the middle for the duration. Duke it out for a locker or the shower? Fuck that. I'm taking the week off and just continuing to hoof it back and forth to work. I have two days off to go see Motorhead anyhow, so my schedule is already screwy.
So, I'm cranky and frustrated. What else is new? Seems like it's going around, especially among people trying to ditch extra pounds. But I'm still in it to win it, and I'm still with the program. That's what matters to me right now.
xo
lb
I'm pissed, even though my meeting leader assured me that it probably has more to do with my new workout routine than anything else. It still grates on me that the number went up, I need to learn to get over that shit.
This week, the pools are closed and they're re-doing the change rooms at the Y so I'm not doing my usual early morning stuff. Everyone gets to use the family change room which has been divided down the middle for the duration. Duke it out for a locker or the shower? Fuck that. I'm taking the week off and just continuing to hoof it back and forth to work. I have two days off to go see Motorhead anyhow, so my schedule is already screwy.
So, I'm cranky and frustrated. What else is new? Seems like it's going around, especially among people trying to ditch extra pounds. But I'm still in it to win it, and I'm still with the program. That's what matters to me right now.
xo
lb
Sunday, August 23, 2009
blah-de-blah blah blah
I forgot to blog yesterday....weird. I would have completely forgotten today had my friend Cora not nudged me with a gentle "ahem....". Thanks, MsC!
Thankfully, I was down 1.6 this week. Honestly, I was expecting a gain, so that was a nice surprise.
Forgive me, oh weight loss gods, for I didn't track this week. I'm not going to sugar coat it, I was lazy this week. Not when it came to the gym (although I missed 2 mornings because of going into work early and an early morning appointment), not when it came to the food I ate, I just wasn't into writing it down.
But still, shame on me. For as much as I tell myself that I'm in it to win it, why have I let myself slack on one of the fundamentals of the program? I need to get my shit together and get back to the accountability side of things. If I continue to not track, then it will be that much easier to fall back into bad habits, bigger portions, and the lard ass ridiculousness that got me here in the first place.
So yes, back to the tracking this week, smarten up, you.
Oh yeah, and at 6:00 a.m. on wednesday morning, I will be taking a kettle bell weight demo class. It may kill me.
My last point of business is that the comments on this blog are now screened before they appear. Nothing personal, I just get freaked out by 100% anonymous posts (in the past, I've requested that you sign your name). So yeah, feel free to comment but if there's no name, it won't be posted. My blog, my rules, dudes.
here's my parting thought: it's one thing to stand up for yourself, but it's a lot harder to stand up TO yourself.
xo
lb
Thankfully, I was down 1.6 this week. Honestly, I was expecting a gain, so that was a nice surprise.
Forgive me, oh weight loss gods, for I didn't track this week. I'm not going to sugar coat it, I was lazy this week. Not when it came to the gym (although I missed 2 mornings because of going into work early and an early morning appointment), not when it came to the food I ate, I just wasn't into writing it down.
But still, shame on me. For as much as I tell myself that I'm in it to win it, why have I let myself slack on one of the fundamentals of the program? I need to get my shit together and get back to the accountability side of things. If I continue to not track, then it will be that much easier to fall back into bad habits, bigger portions, and the lard ass ridiculousness that got me here in the first place.
So yes, back to the tracking this week, smarten up, you.
Oh yeah, and at 6:00 a.m. on wednesday morning, I will be taking a kettle bell weight demo class. It may kill me.
My last point of business is that the comments on this blog are now screened before they appear. Nothing personal, I just get freaked out by 100% anonymous posts (in the past, I've requested that you sign your name). So yeah, feel free to comment but if there's no name, it won't be posted. My blog, my rules, dudes.
here's my parting thought: it's one thing to stand up for yourself, but it's a lot harder to stand up TO yourself.
xo
lb
Monday, August 17, 2009
Water is stupid. Sorry, water is STOOPID.
Yeah yeah yeah, it happens, I know. You can't help water gains blah blah blah. Keep talkin', even though I'm not really listening.
I gained weight this week. Nothing overly shocking, but it was still a gain. Honestly, I got off easy. A 2lb gain is really nothing considering I was all watery thanks to the female condition AND it's been so incredibly humid here. Some people at my meeting gained 5+lbs from the humidity alone. Welcome to a Southern Ontario summer, where the humidity boosts the heat values at least 10 degrees even at night. I walked to the gym at 6 this morning, the sun wasn't even totally up yet, and the humidex was already in the low 30's (you can do your own fahrenheit conversions, I have faith in your abilities). After 20 minutes of just walking, I walked into the Y drenched with sweat. The lady who works at the counter just kind of chuckled because I wasn't the only one arriving in that condition. I proceeded to workout and make matters worse, but it was worth it.
At the meeting this week, we talked about cravings and the management thereof. It was an interesting conversation, and I think it's something that anyone attempting to ditch some lard needs to think about. More than just cravings though, I really think it spreads into the idea of verboten food.
I've written before about how I managed to stop smoking a few years ago, and the same logic applies to food cravings. I "stopped" smoking, not "quit". The simple choice of words allowed my brain to relax. No pressure. Quitting has a finality to it that, for me, tempts failure. When I think of "quitting" smoking, I automatically think of cranky fucking people who do nothing but bitch and moan about nic fits and the injustice of it all. Oh the humanity of wanting to add time on your life and not smell like shit. Oh the unfairness of saving buckets of cash (seriously, a large pack of name brand smokes goes for $10+ around here. Jesus.) Woe is me, woe is me...
When I say that I simply "stopped" smoking, it's different. If I started again, it was no big deal. I didn't quit and then shamefully start again, smarting from the failure of not being able cut it without a smoke in my hand. Another key point was that I didn't really tell anyone I was stopping. That made a HUGE difference. I think I only told one person, and even then I had said something like "I ran out of smokes yesterday, I'm just going to see what happens if I don't buy another pack". No major proclamation of "Hear ye, hear ye one and all, Lesley Bell has quit smoking cigarettes after TWENTY LONG YEARS! Bow down...". Nope, it was my business and I was accountable to only me if I decided to light up again. Which I didn't. It will be 3 years in January and I still haven't had a nic fit. I'm not saying it won't happen, but so far so good.
What it comes down to is a choice being made, and that choice applies to cigarettes, food, whatever the problem vice may be, those just happen to be mine. Feeling deprived is a really sore point for me, I attribute it to listening to angry punk rock most of my life. I can't have something I want? Really? That's interesting. Tell me that again, but you'll have to speak up because I'm busy cracking my knuckles....
These days, I am pretty level with myself. You want a pack of smokes? Sure, go for it. There's a store on the corner that sells all kinds of 'em. Do it up if you want. I have the option. I simply choose not to. No deprivation, no sense of lacking.
I find I have been doing the same with food lately. That thing of danishes looks pretty good. Want it? Go for it. They're overpriced but still, if you want 'em, they're there. (Nope, not worth it.) Hey, tubes of cookie dough are right there. (Meh, whatevs, that was always an instantly regretted decision)....you get the picture. By not denying myself, I don't feel deprived. I know what I'm doing is to better myself, and I really don't get too jazzed at the idea of having to work twice as hard to see no change on the scale. Fuck that! I work hard enough as it is to see that number go down, I'm not going to make it harder on myself for cryin' out sakes.
Now, this is what does the trick for me and me only. If we were all the same, then Oprah would have solved our fat problem decades ago.
Here's to another week of keepin' on with the keepin' on.
xo
lb
I gained weight this week. Nothing overly shocking, but it was still a gain. Honestly, I got off easy. A 2lb gain is really nothing considering I was all watery thanks to the female condition AND it's been so incredibly humid here. Some people at my meeting gained 5+lbs from the humidity alone. Welcome to a Southern Ontario summer, where the humidity boosts the heat values at least 10 degrees even at night. I walked to the gym at 6 this morning, the sun wasn't even totally up yet, and the humidex was already in the low 30's (you can do your own fahrenheit conversions, I have faith in your abilities). After 20 minutes of just walking, I walked into the Y drenched with sweat. The lady who works at the counter just kind of chuckled because I wasn't the only one arriving in that condition. I proceeded to workout and make matters worse, but it was worth it.
At the meeting this week, we talked about cravings and the management thereof. It was an interesting conversation, and I think it's something that anyone attempting to ditch some lard needs to think about. More than just cravings though, I really think it spreads into the idea of verboten food.
I've written before about how I managed to stop smoking a few years ago, and the same logic applies to food cravings. I "stopped" smoking, not "quit". The simple choice of words allowed my brain to relax. No pressure. Quitting has a finality to it that, for me, tempts failure. When I think of "quitting" smoking, I automatically think of cranky fucking people who do nothing but bitch and moan about nic fits and the injustice of it all. Oh the humanity of wanting to add time on your life and not smell like shit. Oh the unfairness of saving buckets of cash (seriously, a large pack of name brand smokes goes for $10+ around here. Jesus.) Woe is me, woe is me...
When I say that I simply "stopped" smoking, it's different. If I started again, it was no big deal. I didn't quit and then shamefully start again, smarting from the failure of not being able cut it without a smoke in my hand. Another key point was that I didn't really tell anyone I was stopping. That made a HUGE difference. I think I only told one person, and even then I had said something like "I ran out of smokes yesterday, I'm just going to see what happens if I don't buy another pack". No major proclamation of "Hear ye, hear ye one and all, Lesley Bell has quit smoking cigarettes after TWENTY LONG YEARS! Bow down...". Nope, it was my business and I was accountable to only me if I decided to light up again. Which I didn't. It will be 3 years in January and I still haven't had a nic fit. I'm not saying it won't happen, but so far so good.
What it comes down to is a choice being made, and that choice applies to cigarettes, food, whatever the problem vice may be, those just happen to be mine. Feeling deprived is a really sore point for me, I attribute it to listening to angry punk rock most of my life. I can't have something I want? Really? That's interesting. Tell me that again, but you'll have to speak up because I'm busy cracking my knuckles....
These days, I am pretty level with myself. You want a pack of smokes? Sure, go for it. There's a store on the corner that sells all kinds of 'em. Do it up if you want. I have the option. I simply choose not to. No deprivation, no sense of lacking.
I find I have been doing the same with food lately. That thing of danishes looks pretty good. Want it? Go for it. They're overpriced but still, if you want 'em, they're there. (Nope, not worth it.) Hey, tubes of cookie dough are right there. (Meh, whatevs, that was always an instantly regretted decision)....you get the picture. By not denying myself, I don't feel deprived. I know what I'm doing is to better myself, and I really don't get too jazzed at the idea of having to work twice as hard to see no change on the scale. Fuck that! I work hard enough as it is to see that number go down, I'm not going to make it harder on myself for cryin' out sakes.
Now, this is what does the trick for me and me only. If we were all the same, then Oprah would have solved our fat problem decades ago.
Here's to another week of keepin' on with the keepin' on.
xo
lb
Sunday, August 9, 2009
what a world, what a world....gurgle gurgle
I just walked for 45 minutes, from my sister's house to mine in 43 degree humidex (that's around 109-110 fahrenheit).
I'm pretty sure I just sweated off the last 110lbs I need to lose. DONE!
ahah I wish. I'm being serious about the supersweatytothemax walk though. What the eff is up with me?
xo
el bee
I'm pretty sure I just sweated off the last 110lbs I need to lose. DONE!
ahah I wish. I'm being serious about the supersweatytothemax walk though. What the eff is up with me?
xo
el bee
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Sit still, this might hurt just a little...
Well, well, well. Perhaps I was understating just a little when I said that my first inky goal may have been within striking distance this week.
I lost 5.4lbs this week. No joke, I actually gasped while standing on the scale at weigh-in this morning. That puts me at a total of 27.4 gone forever.
Can you believe that shit? FIVE POINT FOUR POUNDS.
I have officially earned the completion of one of my unfinished tattoos. Every 25lbs means fresh ink, and as soon as I can, I will hear the buzz of impending inkdom once again. WEEEEEE!
I wish I could tell you exactly how I did it, besides going to the gym and staying on plan. BORING. But I did work fucking hard at the gym, and despite an unexpected dinner out with my dad, I ditched some lard.
So, I got my first little piece of hardware today, my 25lb medallion. I dig it. There's no rhinestones or anything on it. It's just a little metal disc. But getting that little metal disc today made me feel amazing. After such an emotionally supershitty week, that little piece of metal reminded me how exciting this process is and how my hard work is the only way I'm going to get through it.
I'm also within reach of my 10% lost body weight mark (another 2.6 and I'm there). Since I had such a massive loss this week, I doubt I'll get there for another couple of weeks, but still, that's a pretty big deal and I'm willing to keep going.
Oh yeah, I'm in the 270's now. I honestly could not tell you the last time I was here. Holy shit.
xo
lb
(my initials still make me laugh, especially on a freaking weight loss blawg.)
I lost 5.4lbs this week. No joke, I actually gasped while standing on the scale at weigh-in this morning. That puts me at a total of 27.4 gone forever.
Can you believe that shit? FIVE POINT FOUR POUNDS.
I have officially earned the completion of one of my unfinished tattoos. Every 25lbs means fresh ink, and as soon as I can, I will hear the buzz of impending inkdom once again. WEEEEEE!
I wish I could tell you exactly how I did it, besides going to the gym and staying on plan. BORING. But I did work fucking hard at the gym, and despite an unexpected dinner out with my dad, I ditched some lard.
So, I got my first little piece of hardware today, my 25lb medallion. I dig it. There's no rhinestones or anything on it. It's just a little metal disc. But getting that little metal disc today made me feel amazing. After such an emotionally supershitty week, that little piece of metal reminded me how exciting this process is and how my hard work is the only way I'm going to get through it.
I'm also within reach of my 10% lost body weight mark (another 2.6 and I'm there). Since I had such a massive loss this week, I doubt I'll get there for another couple of weeks, but still, that's a pretty big deal and I'm willing to keep going.
Oh yeah, I'm in the 270's now. I honestly could not tell you the last time I was here. Holy shit.
xo
lb
(my initials still make me laugh, especially on a freaking weight loss blawg.)
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Closer Still
So, remember the time I bought a bathing suit at the fat girl store for $80 and was all pissed off about it? Yeah, well, here it is a few months later and the piece of crap is already falling apart! As if. I wore it twice a week for the better part of three months and already the fabric is going to shit, and of course the worst of it is right over the ass crack. It's not like it's getting super stretched or anything either, just completely shoddy.
I picked up a much better looking and feeling suit at Walfart today for fucking $12. Yes. $12 instead of $80. Ugh. I won't feel quite so bad if this one falls apart. Watch it melts or something as soon as it hits chlorinated water. Hahaha the mental picture is pretty funny.
Aaaaanyhow.
It's Saturday morning so that means I got to go stand on a scale. Contrary to other weeks, I felt really good and confident that I would see a loss. Usually, that would be my undoing. Feeling all good and righteous would mean I would have gained 8lbs or something terrible like that. However, I managed to ditch 2.2 lbs this week even with working out every day before work. My body is dealing with it and working with me. So that brings me down a total of 22lbs.
22lbs. That's 3lbs away from my first reward goal. Inka dinka doo! That's right, as soon as I hit the 25lb mark, I'll be hot footin' it over for a consult with my tattoo artist on how to finish off one of my tattoos. I'm pretty glad I have just the right number of unfinished ones for this reward plan as it's amazing motivation for me. I loves me some ink, friends, and I'll be so glad when there's plenty more of it under my skin.
I managed to get my ass to the gym every day of the work week for a second week in a row. I have to say, I'm digging it. I'm finding it a good way to get my day going, and there's never a huge crowd there at 6:30 a.m. Not sure what I'll do on monday, though. It's a holiday here so the Y doesn't open until 8:30. I might venture over, but I might not. We'll see where the morning takes me.
Three pounds. I don't know how long that will take, I would love to say 1 or two weeks, but you just never know. But still, I have my eyes on that first prize.
xo
LB
I picked up a much better looking and feeling suit at Walfart today for fucking $12. Yes. $12 instead of $80. Ugh. I won't feel quite so bad if this one falls apart. Watch it melts or something as soon as it hits chlorinated water. Hahaha the mental picture is pretty funny.
Aaaaanyhow.
It's Saturday morning so that means I got to go stand on a scale. Contrary to other weeks, I felt really good and confident that I would see a loss. Usually, that would be my undoing. Feeling all good and righteous would mean I would have gained 8lbs or something terrible like that. However, I managed to ditch 2.2 lbs this week even with working out every day before work. My body is dealing with it and working with me. So that brings me down a total of 22lbs.
22lbs. That's 3lbs away from my first reward goal. Inka dinka doo! That's right, as soon as I hit the 25lb mark, I'll be hot footin' it over for a consult with my tattoo artist on how to finish off one of my tattoos. I'm pretty glad I have just the right number of unfinished ones for this reward plan as it's amazing motivation for me. I loves me some ink, friends, and I'll be so glad when there's plenty more of it under my skin.
I managed to get my ass to the gym every day of the work week for a second week in a row. I have to say, I'm digging it. I'm finding it a good way to get my day going, and there's never a huge crowd there at 6:30 a.m. Not sure what I'll do on monday, though. It's a holiday here so the Y doesn't open until 8:30. I might venture over, but I might not. We'll see where the morning takes me.
Three pounds. I don't know how long that will take, I would love to say 1 or two weeks, but you just never know. But still, I have my eyes on that first prize.
xo
LB
Saturday, July 25, 2009
pat pat pat
As I expected, there was a gain on the scale this week. Not from going off the rails at all, this was a positive kind of gain.
I did it. I made it to the gym every goddamn day this week before work. I left my house at 6 a.m. every single day to get to the Y and workout/aquafit before heading to the shop.
Sure, people have done this for ages, but those people aren't me. Those five days proved to me that I am changing my brain and willing to do what it takes to get what I want. Only on Friday did I have any sort of "do I REALLY want to get out of bed right now?" moment, but I ignored it and hauled ass downtown.
So, due to this new activity, my body decided it wanted to rebel a little and I showed a 2lb gain. But, I talked to my leader about it and feel alright. It will level off, and it would also help if I ate more protein. I know those 2lbs won't be there long (if I can help it) and I know they're the result of me doing something positive.
But still, they put me back under the 20lb by .2 lbs. That still pisses me off a bit.
The weekend is a rest time for me, I really don't want to overdo this shit. I may be going at it like ninety, but I am trying to remain reasonable.
This week I'm going to try it again and see what happens. I may be able to do it, I may not. I refuse to pressure myself to the point of guilt, but I do know I have to keep at it if I want to see any kind of result.
Wow, what a fucking boring post.
xo
lb
I did it. I made it to the gym every goddamn day this week before work. I left my house at 6 a.m. every single day to get to the Y and workout/aquafit before heading to the shop.
Sure, people have done this for ages, but those people aren't me. Those five days proved to me that I am changing my brain and willing to do what it takes to get what I want. Only on Friday did I have any sort of "do I REALLY want to get out of bed right now?" moment, but I ignored it and hauled ass downtown.
So, due to this new activity, my body decided it wanted to rebel a little and I showed a 2lb gain. But, I talked to my leader about it and feel alright. It will level off, and it would also help if I ate more protein. I know those 2lbs won't be there long (if I can help it) and I know they're the result of me doing something positive.
But still, they put me back under the 20lb by .2 lbs. That still pisses me off a bit.
The weekend is a rest time for me, I really don't want to overdo this shit. I may be going at it like ninety, but I am trying to remain reasonable.
This week I'm going to try it again and see what happens. I may be able to do it, I may not. I refuse to pressure myself to the point of guilt, but I do know I have to keep at it if I want to see any kind of result.
Wow, what a fucking boring post.
xo
lb
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Paradigm Shift
Yes. I managed to ditch 2.8 this week (while on vacation, no less) and FINALLY break through that 20lb mark. So, I'm officially 21.8 down, which feels amazing.
While I said a couple of weeks ago that, for my own sanity, I needed to see my weight number go down more than anything, I'm experiencing a change of attitude.
This body of mine, while I love it so, needs to change. I've gotten the plan I need in terms of a workout plan, and it's time to kick it into high gear. Yes, this will dick with my numbers at the scale (which still gives me the pip, but science is science I guess) and I am ready for that.
I need to see the bingo wings start to go away a bit. I need to see that belly get smaller. I need to see any sort of change in my assular area (I really don't know how something that doesn't exist be so fat. Curse of the Bells, a flat, fat ass.)
I am preparing myself for the scale non-starter weeks. But more than that, I am preparing to walk out my door at 6 a.m. to hit the gym before work three days a week. Tuesdays and Thursdays are still Deep Water aquafit before work. Then, of course, there's my solid 40 minutes of cardio briskly walking to and from work every single day.
I think that it's important that, while we're focusing so much on our bodies, that we pay attention to our hearts and minds. What's bothering us, what do we need, what's the issue that needs to be addressed?
One day, these curves shall boom, and it's going to take a fuckload of work to get them to boomin' status, but it will be worth it.
Ugh, 6 a.m. Faaaaaaaaak. Kick out the jams, muthafu.....oh you know.
xo
lb
While I said a couple of weeks ago that, for my own sanity, I needed to see my weight number go down more than anything, I'm experiencing a change of attitude.
This body of mine, while I love it so, needs to change. I've gotten the plan I need in terms of a workout plan, and it's time to kick it into high gear. Yes, this will dick with my numbers at the scale (which still gives me the pip, but science is science I guess) and I am ready for that.
I need to see the bingo wings start to go away a bit. I need to see that belly get smaller. I need to see any sort of change in my assular area (I really don't know how something that doesn't exist be so fat. Curse of the Bells, a flat, fat ass.)
I am preparing myself for the scale non-starter weeks. But more than that, I am preparing to walk out my door at 6 a.m. to hit the gym before work three days a week. Tuesdays and Thursdays are still Deep Water aquafit before work. Then, of course, there's my solid 40 minutes of cardio briskly walking to and from work every single day.
I think that it's important that, while we're focusing so much on our bodies, that we pay attention to our hearts and minds. What's bothering us, what do we need, what's the issue that needs to be addressed?
One day, these curves shall boom, and it's going to take a fuckload of work to get them to boomin' status, but it will be worth it.
Ugh, 6 a.m. Faaaaaaaaak. Kick out the jams, muthafu.....oh you know.
xo
lb
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Vacation is fun with out percs and bullet holes!
Man, do I love being on vacation. Wait, let me get a little more specific: man, do I love being on vacation that doesn't involve any surgery on the Frankenankle.
I'm halfway through my week off from the print shop and I am really loving this week. A much needed break from the grind of typesetting business cards, telling customers their files are set up incorrectly, and trying to figure out registration issues on my colour machine.
On Saturday night I had my second session with the fitness dude at the Y. I was the only one who showed up, so it was an hour long one-on-one teach about the weight machines I will be using in my quest for "boomin' curves". I am totally totally totally excited. Totally. For real.
Yesterday was spent at the beach up at Grand Bend. My friend Pam and I made a day of it and it was so good to get back to
the beach where I spent what feels like a million happy hours as a kid. The weather was perfect, Lake Huron looked like something out of the Caribbean (for reals, I've never seen it so blue) and I got to take a walk down memory lane.
This photo is of yours truly at age 2 or 3, hangin' with my mom on the same stretch of beach we were at yesterday. It felt good to be back there, although I will admit that it made me miss my mom a little more.
I rocked that fucking hat ages before LL Cool J did.
Today feels like a bike ride kind of day. I'm a bit nervous to be taking Betty out on the streets, but oh well, time to suck it up and make my investment worthwhile.
Oh yeah, while at the beach yesterday, I fully admit to eating french fries, an ice cream cone and sippin' on a root beer. They're all tracked for posterity, and I still didn't break my limit yesterday. Still, there is an insanely good reason why I don't eat that shit all the time, mostly because I don't want my heart to explode. But honestly, I couldn't even finish the fries, and the ice cream cone melted more than I ate. I really cannot go back to how I used to eat. A very very very good thing.
Alright, the sun is out (for now) and I need to get my ass in gear.
peace out
LB
I'm halfway through my week off from the print shop and I am really loving this week. A much needed break from the grind of typesetting business cards, telling customers their files are set up incorrectly, and trying to figure out registration issues on my colour machine.
On Saturday night I had my second session with the fitness dude at the Y. I was the only one who showed up, so it was an hour long one-on-one teach about the weight machines I will be using in my quest for "boomin' curves". I am totally totally totally excited. Totally. For real.
Yesterday was spent at the beach up at Grand Bend. My friend Pam and I made a day of it and it was so good to get back to
the beach where I spent what feels like a million happy hours as a kid. The weather was perfect, Lake Huron looked like something out of the Caribbean (for reals, I've never seen it so blue) and I got to take a walk down memory lane.This photo is of yours truly at age 2 or 3, hangin' with my mom on the same stretch of beach we were at yesterday. It felt good to be back there, although I will admit that it made me miss my mom a little more.
I rocked that fucking hat ages before LL Cool J did.
Today feels like a bike ride kind of day. I'm a bit nervous to be taking Betty out on the streets, but oh well, time to suck it up and make my investment worthwhile.
Oh yeah, while at the beach yesterday, I fully admit to eating french fries, an ice cream cone and sippin' on a root beer. They're all tracked for posterity, and I still didn't break my limit yesterday. Still, there is an insanely good reason why I don't eat that shit all the time, mostly because I don't want my heart to explode. But honestly, I couldn't even finish the fries, and the ice cream cone melted more than I ate. I really cannot go back to how I used to eat. A very very very good thing.
Alright, the sun is out (for now) and I need to get my ass in gear.
peace out
LB
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Fwee Whetowic!
Dear Body,
I would ask you how you are, but since you're me, I know you're fine, thanks.
I just have to know: was it really necessary to hold on to that ONE pound? Does it have special meaning that I'm not aware of?
Is it like that silver tea set that someone's grandma leaves them in the will (You never see it or use it, but the very thought of getting rid of it is completely absurd)?
Is it like the how my dad refuses to get rid of the underwear that he was wearing the day Miles Davis died?
Is it like how Gloria Estefan refuses to let her career or shitty 70's disco songs die even though both should have been put out of their misery ages ago?
Is that one pound, the one pound that is keeping me from cracking the 20's, worth it? Is it helping perform some crazy physical process that would blind me with amazing science and physics if I were to have it explained to me?
I didn't think so.
I had better not see it, or any of its little friends, when I step on that scale next Saturday, or else I'll stop taking my arthritis meds and then you'll be sorry.
So there.
xo
el bee
I would ask you how you are, but since you're me, I know you're fine, thanks.
I just have to know: was it really necessary to hold on to that ONE pound? Does it have special meaning that I'm not aware of?
Is it like that silver tea set that someone's grandma leaves them in the will (You never see it or use it, but the very thought of getting rid of it is completely absurd)?
Is it like the how my dad refuses to get rid of the underwear that he was wearing the day Miles Davis died?
Is it like how Gloria Estefan refuses to let her career or shitty 70's disco songs die even though both should have been put out of their misery ages ago?
Is that one pound, the one pound that is keeping me from cracking the 20's, worth it? Is it helping perform some crazy physical process that would blind me with amazing science and physics if I were to have it explained to me?
I didn't think so.
I had better not see it, or any of its little friends, when I step on that scale next Saturday, or else I'll stop taking my arthritis meds and then you'll be sorry.
So there.
xo
el bee
Saturday, July 4, 2009
180 degrees
Alright, now we're rocking and/or rolling again. I was down 2 this week so that puts me back at a total of 18lbs gone. Good riddance.
This has been a hard week (not food wise, I managed to keep it together in that respect), things were slow at work because of the holiday that fell mid-week, and some other crappy crap happened that I won't go into since it was crappy private crap that turned out alright in the end.
When I last posted, I was feeling like I was losing my focus. Such a scary feeling. It was all very "big picture" oriented and the fact that I still have well over 100lbs to go was completely bringing me down. Knowing that I still have the equivalent of an adult human to lose is a tad overwhelming. I do my best to NOT think of the situation in those terms, but my brain went there and was fixin' to sit a spell.
I am finally starting to come around though, because I know that I just cannot think about the ultimate goal yet. I will drive myself stark raving mad if I do. For now, I just need to get to 20lbs gone. Then to 25. Then to 30. You undoubtedly get the picture.
The time has come to start upping the activity. Yes, it may screw with my numbers, but as much as I need need need to see those numbers go down right now, I need need need need to make my gut start to disappear. I'm sick of this stupid belly. This ass. These bingo wings. It's time to start working on the boomin' curves that I desperately want.
Here's one thing that will help with that:
Her name is Betty. She is sparkly and now, she is mine. This will make getting to the Y in the early light of morning a lot faster and less tedious. I love walking but I swear to god, by the time I've hoofed it downtown, the last thing I want to do is more boring cardio.
I'm pretty excited about the fact that I can go for bike rides now. I LOVED riding my bike when I was a kid, and I've missed it for a very long time. When I still had my beloved car, I didn't need a bike. Once I got rid of the car, I....well...to be honest I was just too fat and lazy to give a shit about a bike.
So, now Betty lives in my basement and will take me out for a spin when I'm up to it once I buy her a strong new lock. A gal needs protection from the hoodlums. Hooray for Betty!
The other tool in the Boomin' Curve Acquisition (henceforth known as "the BCA") will be my Y membership. I mean, I will be there A LOT more than I am now for aquafit. They have this thing that comes with your membership where you get 5 meetings with one of their trainers and they get you set up on a workout routine to help you achieve your goals. There's some nutrition shit in there too, but since I do WW, I've got that under control.
I need someone to tell me what to do. I am so very clueless and intimidated when it comes to workouts, machines and all that stuff. I need someone to freaking spell it out for me, then I can get to work. Tonight, that happens.
Honestly, I am nerrrrrvous.
My heart of hearts wishes they'd just say "Oh, THAT'S what you want to do? Here, hold your breath this way and all the extra weight will fall off instantly". However, that doesn't seem too likely. This is going to take time, sweat and a fucking SHITLOAD of self discipline.
What I want to start doing (and remember, I said "want" for the moment, not "will") is going in the mornings before work. I can make that happen. I'll just have to get up a half hour earlier (you'd faint if you knew how early I already get up) and get my ass there.
It's do-able. I just have to do it.
I called this entry "180 degrees" because of what we talked about in our meeting today. We discussed success stories and were told to think of how we got here in the first place. I shared a bit of my story and will do the same here.
I come from fat. My dad's side of the family have always been big fat people. Well versed in debauchery and gluttony, the Bells drank, ate and lazed their way to lardass territory for years. Exercise? What's that? Pass me that vodka. Is that cake?...
My dad walked out when I was five years old. Out the door, he was gone. We were told the next day and we immediately starting living life as three instead of four. As life went on, my sister and I saw our dad once a week. It goes without saying that I missed my dad. He lived in another city and had a life outside of us. Those once a week visits usually included seeing my grandpa and aunt as well. They were Bells. They were hilarious and fun. They talked about music and movies. I looked like them. I got them. I wanted them around more often.
And there you have it, with that one feeling it all began: I wanted them around more often. I knew that my sister took after my mom's side of the family, and I took after my dad's. I wanted so badly to be like them and to identify with them, on came the pounds. Let Jennifer be skinny like mom's side, I'm a Bell, we're all fat. Look at me, Bells, I'm one of you!
Looking back, it makes me sad. Not only because I now see how messed up their lives really were, but I'm saddened to think that physical appearance played such a huge role in my life even when I was 7 years old. I was a fat, sad and lonely kid.
But, let's talk about those Bells today. My dad recently hit the weight he was when he entered university in 1964. He is a healthy and svelt 195lbs. He walks for hours every day and monitors what he eats. My aunt gave up regular strength beer, switched to lite beer and eating right and exercising like a demon. She's the fittest and thinnest she's ever been.
The Bells have done a 180. The only hold-out (besides my grandpa who died years ago) is my uncle who chooses to not do a goddamn thing about his weight problem. He's huge, miserable and has diabetes. He refuses to do any sort of physical activity because he hates it. But he does enjoy whining about how horrible he feels and how hard life is. Boohoo, jerk. Get with the program or you're going to DIE. I should mention that Bells are also stubborn as shit.
I realized recently that the very people I wanted so badly to identify with back then are still the people I want to identify with now (with the exception of my uncle). We're all older and wiser, and thankfully we are healthier. They're still fun and hilarious people, we still talk about music and movies, but now we have something even more awesome to talk about, and that's our quest to be fit and healthy.
It took almost 30 years to get here, but that is the greatest 180 degree shift in history to me. Finally, the Bells are an inspiration to me. I'm glad to be counted among them.
xo
lb
This has been a hard week (not food wise, I managed to keep it together in that respect), things were slow at work because of the holiday that fell mid-week, and some other crappy crap happened that I won't go into since it was crappy private crap that turned out alright in the end.
When I last posted, I was feeling like I was losing my focus. Such a scary feeling. It was all very "big picture" oriented and the fact that I still have well over 100lbs to go was completely bringing me down. Knowing that I still have the equivalent of an adult human to lose is a tad overwhelming. I do my best to NOT think of the situation in those terms, but my brain went there and was fixin' to sit a spell.
I am finally starting to come around though, because I know that I just cannot think about the ultimate goal yet. I will drive myself stark raving mad if I do. For now, I just need to get to 20lbs gone. Then to 25. Then to 30. You undoubtedly get the picture.
The time has come to start upping the activity. Yes, it may screw with my numbers, but as much as I need need need to see those numbers go down right now, I need need need need to make my gut start to disappear. I'm sick of this stupid belly. This ass. These bingo wings. It's time to start working on the boomin' curves that I desperately want.
Here's one thing that will help with that:
Her name is Betty. She is sparkly and now, she is mine. This will make getting to the Y in the early light of morning a lot faster and less tedious. I love walking but I swear to god, by the time I've hoofed it downtown, the last thing I want to do is more boring cardio.I'm pretty excited about the fact that I can go for bike rides now. I LOVED riding my bike when I was a kid, and I've missed it for a very long time. When I still had my beloved car, I didn't need a bike. Once I got rid of the car, I....well...to be honest I was just too fat and lazy to give a shit about a bike.
So, now Betty lives in my basement and will take me out for a spin when I'm up to it once I buy her a strong new lock. A gal needs protection from the hoodlums. Hooray for Betty!
The other tool in the Boomin' Curve Acquisition (henceforth known as "the BCA") will be my Y membership. I mean, I will be there A LOT more than I am now for aquafit. They have this thing that comes with your membership where you get 5 meetings with one of their trainers and they get you set up on a workout routine to help you achieve your goals. There's some nutrition shit in there too, but since I do WW, I've got that under control.
I need someone to tell me what to do. I am so very clueless and intimidated when it comes to workouts, machines and all that stuff. I need someone to freaking spell it out for me, then I can get to work. Tonight, that happens.
Honestly, I am nerrrrrvous.
My heart of hearts wishes they'd just say "Oh, THAT'S what you want to do? Here, hold your breath this way and all the extra weight will fall off instantly". However, that doesn't seem too likely. This is going to take time, sweat and a fucking SHITLOAD of self discipline.
What I want to start doing (and remember, I said "want" for the moment, not "will") is going in the mornings before work. I can make that happen. I'll just have to get up a half hour earlier (you'd faint if you knew how early I already get up) and get my ass there.
It's do-able. I just have to do it.
I called this entry "180 degrees" because of what we talked about in our meeting today. We discussed success stories and were told to think of how we got here in the first place. I shared a bit of my story and will do the same here.
I come from fat. My dad's side of the family have always been big fat people. Well versed in debauchery and gluttony, the Bells drank, ate and lazed their way to lardass territory for years. Exercise? What's that? Pass me that vodka. Is that cake?...
My dad walked out when I was five years old. Out the door, he was gone. We were told the next day and we immediately starting living life as three instead of four. As life went on, my sister and I saw our dad once a week. It goes without saying that I missed my dad. He lived in another city and had a life outside of us. Those once a week visits usually included seeing my grandpa and aunt as well. They were Bells. They were hilarious and fun. They talked about music and movies. I looked like them. I got them. I wanted them around more often.
And there you have it, with that one feeling it all began: I wanted them around more often. I knew that my sister took after my mom's side of the family, and I took after my dad's. I wanted so badly to be like them and to identify with them, on came the pounds. Let Jennifer be skinny like mom's side, I'm a Bell, we're all fat. Look at me, Bells, I'm one of you!
Looking back, it makes me sad. Not only because I now see how messed up their lives really were, but I'm saddened to think that physical appearance played such a huge role in my life even when I was 7 years old. I was a fat, sad and lonely kid.
But, let's talk about those Bells today. My dad recently hit the weight he was when he entered university in 1964. He is a healthy and svelt 195lbs. He walks for hours every day and monitors what he eats. My aunt gave up regular strength beer, switched to lite beer and eating right and exercising like a demon. She's the fittest and thinnest she's ever been.
The Bells have done a 180. The only hold-out (besides my grandpa who died years ago) is my uncle who chooses to not do a goddamn thing about his weight problem. He's huge, miserable and has diabetes. He refuses to do any sort of physical activity because he hates it. But he does enjoy whining about how horrible he feels and how hard life is. Boohoo, jerk. Get with the program or you're going to DIE. I should mention that Bells are also stubborn as shit.
I realized recently that the very people I wanted so badly to identify with back then are still the people I want to identify with now (with the exception of my uncle). We're all older and wiser, and thankfully we are healthier. They're still fun and hilarious people, we still talk about music and movies, but now we have something even more awesome to talk about, and that's our quest to be fit and healthy.
It took almost 30 years to get here, but that is the greatest 180 degree shift in history to me. Finally, the Bells are an inspiration to me. I'm glad to be counted among them.
xo
lb
Monday, June 29, 2009
Pull up...
I need some inspiration. Up a pound this week. Not happy at all about that.
I feel like I'm losing my focus, and this can't happen. But, for the life of me, I can't seem to dig up some new inspiration.
Hopefully this shit mood passes, and was just that. A shitty mood.
Ugh.
LB
I feel like I'm losing my focus, and this can't happen. But, for the life of me, I can't seem to dig up some new inspiration.
Hopefully this shit mood passes, and was just that. A shitty mood.
Ugh.
LB
Thursday, June 25, 2009
prescription for disaster
So apparently the arthritis drug I'm on causes weight gain. GREAT.
I guess it has to do something since it does sweet bugger all for the pain...
SIGH.
LB
I guess it has to do something since it does sweet bugger all for the pain...
SIGH.
LB
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Big Mouth
I managed to shed 0.6lbs this week. Yeah, super. Thanks for comin' out. Yes, I know a loss is a loss, but honestly, for that amount? Gimme a break. I've belched heavier than 0.6 lbs.
Of course, I was asked at the start of the meeting how my week went. All I could do was shrug my shoulders and say "Meh". Why, oh why, didn't I just lie and say it was good?!? And when she asked who jumps on the scale every day, why the shit did I put up my hand?!?!?!? This personal accountability and honesty thing really needs to get over itself!
Because I was honest and vocal, now I have Weight Watchers penance to serve. Moya started a travelling tracker for our meeting group and guess who is the first tracker? Yup, your old pal Thuseybelle is on the hook for that one. Yeah, that was the other part of my confessional: that I totally fucked the dog on tracking this week. (Hey, mental filter, any time now! Jesus.)
The travelling tracker will go to a different person each week, good luck to those who take a peek at my week, it will be hieroglyphics to them because my handwriting is so atrocious.
Add to my double tracking duties 7 stickers. Yes, for some reason I 'fessed up that I habitually step on the scale each morning (remember weeks ago when I was all "yeah, I'm going to ignore my scale during the week, I'm so awesome"? Right, yeah. Didn't happen.) and now I have a strip of seven stickers, 1 for each day that I stay off my shitty, horribly inaccurate scale. I'm not the only one who got one of those strips today, thankfully. Now I just have to get that shitty scale outta my sight. And stay off the one at the gym. Faaaak, the Y scale is one of the slidey doctor scales that I love. It will taunt me both on the way to and from the pool. Bastard.
So yeah, I got my ass kicked, but really, I have it coming to me. I haven't been tracking as well as I should, I haven't been eating enough points in a day (shame!) and I resumed my fling with Tim Horton's coffee in the morning more than once this week (double double shame!)
Such a frustrating but good meeting. Sometimes I need my chops busted to really get my priorities in order. I didn't fall off the food wagon at all, everything has been done within reason, but I need to get back to documenting it all and backing myself up here.
Fun fact: my first day of public tracking included a 22 point father's day lunch at Montana's. Son of a bitch! Sigh.
But I wrote it down in the travelling tracker.
In pen.
xo
lb
Of course, I was asked at the start of the meeting how my week went. All I could do was shrug my shoulders and say "Meh". Why, oh why, didn't I just lie and say it was good?!? And when she asked who jumps on the scale every day, why the shit did I put up my hand?!?!?!? This personal accountability and honesty thing really needs to get over itself!
Because I was honest and vocal, now I have Weight Watchers penance to serve. Moya started a travelling tracker for our meeting group and guess who is the first tracker? Yup, your old pal Thuseybelle is on the hook for that one. Yeah, that was the other part of my confessional: that I totally fucked the dog on tracking this week. (Hey, mental filter, any time now! Jesus.)
The travelling tracker will go to a different person each week, good luck to those who take a peek at my week, it will be hieroglyphics to them because my handwriting is so atrocious.
Add to my double tracking duties 7 stickers. Yes, for some reason I 'fessed up that I habitually step on the scale each morning (remember weeks ago when I was all "yeah, I'm going to ignore my scale during the week, I'm so awesome"? Right, yeah. Didn't happen.) and now I have a strip of seven stickers, 1 for each day that I stay off my shitty, horribly inaccurate scale. I'm not the only one who got one of those strips today, thankfully. Now I just have to get that shitty scale outta my sight. And stay off the one at the gym. Faaaak, the Y scale is one of the slidey doctor scales that I love. It will taunt me both on the way to and from the pool. Bastard.
So yeah, I got my ass kicked, but really, I have it coming to me. I haven't been tracking as well as I should, I haven't been eating enough points in a day (shame!) and I resumed my fling with Tim Horton's coffee in the morning more than once this week (double double shame!)
Such a frustrating but good meeting. Sometimes I need my chops busted to really get my priorities in order. I didn't fall off the food wagon at all, everything has been done within reason, but I need to get back to documenting it all and backing myself up here.
Fun fact: my first day of public tracking included a 22 point father's day lunch at Montana's. Son of a bitch! Sigh.
But I wrote it down in the travelling tracker.
In pen.
xo
lb
Saturday, June 13, 2009
For once, I'll believe the hype.
Wow.
WOW.
I just made my first "Crack Shake", this wicked smoothie/shake recipe passed on by my fellow blogger A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare. It's one of those surprisingly low in points type things that tastes like heaven in a counter top appliance.
All I can say is this: HOLY SHEEEEEYIT. That shit is good. I am so glad I bought a blender.
Wow.
xo
lb
WOW.
I just made my first "Crack Shake", this wicked smoothie/shake recipe passed on by my fellow blogger A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare. It's one of those surprisingly low in points type things that tastes like heaven in a counter top appliance.
All I can say is this: HOLY SHEEEEEYIT. That shit is good. I am so glad I bought a blender.
Wow.
xo
lb
goggles vs. blinders
Oh Mother Nature, you water-lovin' skank. I was up 1.6 this week thanks to the female monthly condition. Oh well, after last week's surprise loss, I can take it.
Lemme ask you guys something (keep in mind that even if you aren't a blogger member, you can still comment anonymously but I need you to you sign your name to it) and I want you to think about it.
Here's the question: Do you know what you look like?
It sounds like a silly question, but really think about it. You may know what parts of you look like (usually the ones that you're less than happy with), but do you really know what you look like, all parts put together? Are you remotely surprised when you see yourself in photos or a full length mirror? Do you get the same feeling when you see yourself as you do when you hear your own voice on voice mail or tape?
Be honest now, because I honestly think that complete self awareness is much more rare than the average person would believe, if it actually happens at all.
Personally, I have NO idea what I look like. Even losing weight, I simply do not see a difference in myself. It's not that I have a negative self image, I just don't really have a self-image to begin with. I know that my body is bigger than it should be. I know that I don't like the way parts of me are shaped, and I know there are parts of me that I love love love. But if you asked me to quickly sketch what I look like, I'd be at a complete loss. You'd probably get a bunch of individual body part sketches, but there's no way I could give you anything close to a comprehensive full-body concept.
While out for dinner with my pal Pam this week, I asked her for her honest opinion when I showed her my photo ID card for the Y. Knowing that Pam wouldn't pull any punches, I asked her "between this photo and my actual face, do you see a difference?". Honestly, I expected a "yeah, a bit" or a "kind of". But the answer I got was a resounding "yes!" backed up with a description of how my face and neck have changed.
It was a relief to hear it, because part of the reason I get discouraged is that I can't see the subtle (or not so subtle) changes. She also reminded me that by the end of the summer, I will notice a huge difference, and she's right. I figure that by labour day, if I keep to current patterns, I will have hit my 10% lost mark (I'm keeping on the conservative side of estimation, I don't want to set myself up for a fall) and hopefully, I will actually be able to see a change.
Only time and effort will show me what I need to see. Right now, I'm focusing less on exercise (outside of walking and aquafit) because it does tend to screw with my numbers. I'm stuck in a bit of a depression right now, and I know that I need to see that number going down. If I was in a better mood, I'd be able to take the hit and know that while the number isn't moving as much, that I'm toning and developing muscles. But for now, I need to see the number going down, even if I can't see the change that is happening.
Or maybe I'm just crazy. It's a definite possibility.
xo
LB
Lemme ask you guys something (keep in mind that even if you aren't a blogger member, you can still comment anonymously but I need you to you sign your name to it) and I want you to think about it.
Here's the question: Do you know what you look like?
It sounds like a silly question, but really think about it. You may know what parts of you look like (usually the ones that you're less than happy with), but do you really know what you look like, all parts put together? Are you remotely surprised when you see yourself in photos or a full length mirror? Do you get the same feeling when you see yourself as you do when you hear your own voice on voice mail or tape?
Be honest now, because I honestly think that complete self awareness is much more rare than the average person would believe, if it actually happens at all.
Personally, I have NO idea what I look like. Even losing weight, I simply do not see a difference in myself. It's not that I have a negative self image, I just don't really have a self-image to begin with. I know that my body is bigger than it should be. I know that I don't like the way parts of me are shaped, and I know there are parts of me that I love love love. But if you asked me to quickly sketch what I look like, I'd be at a complete loss. You'd probably get a bunch of individual body part sketches, but there's no way I could give you anything close to a comprehensive full-body concept.
While out for dinner with my pal Pam this week, I asked her for her honest opinion when I showed her my photo ID card for the Y. Knowing that Pam wouldn't pull any punches, I asked her "between this photo and my actual face, do you see a difference?". Honestly, I expected a "yeah, a bit" or a "kind of". But the answer I got was a resounding "yes!" backed up with a description of how my face and neck have changed.
It was a relief to hear it, because part of the reason I get discouraged is that I can't see the subtle (or not so subtle) changes. She also reminded me that by the end of the summer, I will notice a huge difference, and she's right. I figure that by labour day, if I keep to current patterns, I will have hit my 10% lost mark (I'm keeping on the conservative side of estimation, I don't want to set myself up for a fall) and hopefully, I will actually be able to see a change.
Only time and effort will show me what I need to see. Right now, I'm focusing less on exercise (outside of walking and aquafit) because it does tend to screw with my numbers. I'm stuck in a bit of a depression right now, and I know that I need to see that number going down. If I was in a better mood, I'd be able to take the hit and know that while the number isn't moving as much, that I'm toning and developing muscles. But for now, I need to see the number going down, even if I can't see the change that is happening.
Or maybe I'm just crazy. It's a definite possibility.
xo
LB
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Regularly Scheduled Programming
I am inching ever closer to the first dose of reward ink, friends. I managed to ditch 3.8 lbs this week, putting me at a grand total of 17.8 gone forever. Another 7.2 and I will hit my first reward of getting 1 of my tattoos completely finished off. It feels good to be back on track after a frustrating few weeks. Despite my horrible mood, I feel good about this.
This week I decided to do something out of character for me and I planned a vacation trip for mid-July. This is strange for me because a) I've spent my last two vacations recovering from separate surgeries on the poor, embattled Frankenankle and b) I will be travelling alone for the first time (aside from solo bus and train trips to Toronto and back).
I booked a week off and decided that I needed a change of scenery, something that will make me really value the time I'm taking off. I'll be hopping on the train and travelling to the beautiful city of Montreal. There are 2 museum exhibits I want to see and on the way back home I will be stopping in to see my very best friend and her beautiful family.
I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I rarely travel, and it feels a bit weird to be going by myself. Admittedly, I feel a bit pathetic, but at the same time, my dad always used to do shit like this before he married my step-mom. New scenery in an interesting place, and two really cool exhibits. Sign me up!
xo
lb
This week I decided to do something out of character for me and I planned a vacation trip for mid-July. This is strange for me because a) I've spent my last two vacations recovering from separate surgeries on the poor, embattled Frankenankle and b) I will be travelling alone for the first time (aside from solo bus and train trips to Toronto and back).
I booked a week off and decided that I needed a change of scenery, something that will make me really value the time I'm taking off. I'll be hopping on the train and travelling to the beautiful city of Montreal. There are 2 museum exhibits I want to see and on the way back home I will be stopping in to see my very best friend and her beautiful family.
I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I rarely travel, and it feels a bit weird to be going by myself. Admittedly, I feel a bit pathetic, but at the same time, my dad always used to do shit like this before he married my step-mom. New scenery in an interesting place, and two really cool exhibits. Sign me up!
xo
lb
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Unfinished Business
Up 1 this week....which is a miracle, I swear. I expected the fallout from the various birthday meals to have an unwanted impact, but I'm only up 1, which is fine by me.
I've been thinking a lot about the reward scheme I'm setting up for myself to make ditching this lard of mine a little more interesting. Basically the theme is "Unfinished Business".
This theme is incredibly appropriate because with this journey I'm on, it's all about doing what I started to do 13 years ago, and finally taking control.
So, the scheme is pretty easy: for every 25 pounds I shed, more ink gets put into my skin. Simple dimple. A lot of my tattoos have finishing that needs to be done to them. A fill-in here, a new element there, a tying-together elsewhere. It just so happens that I have 4 existing areas that need work (that covers the first 100lbs), then for the final push there will be a big new piece on my forearm. Works for me!
I'm pretty excited about this, since I loooove getting tattooed and looooove the idea of being fit and healthy. Just the incentive I need, methinks.
This week I start to head to the gym before work in the mornings (other than the aquafit mornings), I'm hellbent on reshaping myself, finally!
Back to knitting, I love saturdays!
xo
lb
I've been thinking a lot about the reward scheme I'm setting up for myself to make ditching this lard of mine a little more interesting. Basically the theme is "Unfinished Business".
This theme is incredibly appropriate because with this journey I'm on, it's all about doing what I started to do 13 years ago, and finally taking control.
So, the scheme is pretty easy: for every 25 pounds I shed, more ink gets put into my skin. Simple dimple. A lot of my tattoos have finishing that needs to be done to them. A fill-in here, a new element there, a tying-together elsewhere. It just so happens that I have 4 existing areas that need work (that covers the first 100lbs), then for the final push there will be a big new piece on my forearm. Works for me!
I'm pretty excited about this, since I loooove getting tattooed and looooove the idea of being fit and healthy. Just the incentive I need, methinks.
This week I start to head to the gym before work in the mornings (other than the aquafit mornings), I'm hellbent on reshaping myself, finally!
Back to knitting, I love saturdays!
xo
lb
Monday, May 25, 2009
Slight remorse
yeesh, I think i'm going to have to work pretty hard to work off Saturday's birthday meals.
Serves me right!
Serves me right!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
back on the warpath
down one this week. Not as much as I had hoped to do, but loss is loss, and I'm back in the 280's.
I also managed to get my lazy ass to the Y FOUR times this week. That includes going twice on thursday (aquafit in the am, work out in the pm). I'm pretty effing impressed with that, and I do say so myself.
Today is my 34th birthday. I celebrated by going out to lunch with the Bells (my dad, step mom, sister and her brood). I was smart and made good choices at the restaurant (a quesadilla instead of a killer veggie burger, water instead of pop, no horribly fried food). Then there was ice cream cake back at dad's. Yes, one could cringe at such a thing, but I'll take 10 points worth of that instead of 16 for the carrot cake dad's wife usually makes.
Since the blowout known as Staplegate happened, I haven't really discussed weight loss at all with dad. But, in true and humourous Bell fashion, dad got me a card with an illustrated skinny-type girl and beside it in dad's chicken scratch writing it says "2010 model shown". It's nice to know that he still has faith in what I'm doing, even after all that has happened. Funnily enough, we're currently tied at 15lbs each.
tonight might bring a bit of indian food for dinner, nothing outrageous or horrible for me, I know my limits. We'll see.
Peace out.
LB
I also managed to get my lazy ass to the Y FOUR times this week. That includes going twice on thursday (aquafit in the am, work out in the pm). I'm pretty effing impressed with that, and I do say so myself.
Today is my 34th birthday. I celebrated by going out to lunch with the Bells (my dad, step mom, sister and her brood). I was smart and made good choices at the restaurant (a quesadilla instead of a killer veggie burger, water instead of pop, no horribly fried food). Then there was ice cream cake back at dad's. Yes, one could cringe at such a thing, but I'll take 10 points worth of that instead of 16 for the carrot cake dad's wife usually makes.
Since the blowout known as Staplegate happened, I haven't really discussed weight loss at all with dad. But, in true and humourous Bell fashion, dad got me a card with an illustrated skinny-type girl and beside it in dad's chicken scratch writing it says "2010 model shown". It's nice to know that he still has faith in what I'm doing, even after all that has happened. Funnily enough, we're currently tied at 15lbs each.
tonight might bring a bit of indian food for dinner, nothing outrageous or horrible for me, I know my limits. We'll see.
Peace out.
LB
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Screw you, water...and onion bahji.
Wow, I totally forgot to blog yesterday. Nice one.
I was up two pounds this week. Not overly angry about it, because I kind of expected it. That puts me back to 290. THAT gets me angry.
But I can't be totally pissed off about the gain because a) it's mostly water b) it was bound to happen after 4+ weeks of loss and c) shit happens, that's the rule of the universe.
I did some positive things this week that cancel out the shittiness of the gain, I did aquafit on tuesday morning, I walked a lot this week AND I started my new workout with Sharline the other night. These are good things that will make a difference in the long run.
So, on tuesday morning after aquafit was done, I was rinsing out my bathing suit in the shower and I noticed that it was literally being held together by some brave threads. After 10 or so years of faithful service, my favourite bathing suit of all times was falling apart. Black with white trim, flattering cut, oh you served me well. It was time for a new one.
Bathing suit shopping sucks. Especially when you can't just whip into any old store and pick up 5 bikinis for a dollar, or whatever it is that skinny girls pay for their two eyepatches and some dental floss.
I did find a new one though....eighty goddamn dollars later. I needed it, yes, but shit man. That's a lot of dollars, especially because I won't be wearing it for 10 years like my other one. I'm going to be getting smaller (ironically enough because of what I'm doing in said bathing suit) and smaller sizes will warrant smaller suits.
Oh well, it's all money well spent. I got new running shoes for the gym too. They sure are white. I think i'm going to have to wear them outside to slightly dirty them up a bit, they're pretty blinding right now.
In other news, I'm knitting the coolest fucking baby shower gift right now. I am going to take pics of it when it's done and given to the pregnant belly in question. But it's totally fucking rad, and totally taking fucking forever to knit. GRRRRR..
Here's to a better week of lard reduction and structured re-education.
xo
lb
I was up two pounds this week. Not overly angry about it, because I kind of expected it. That puts me back to 290. THAT gets me angry.
But I can't be totally pissed off about the gain because a) it's mostly water b) it was bound to happen after 4+ weeks of loss and c) shit happens, that's the rule of the universe.
I did some positive things this week that cancel out the shittiness of the gain, I did aquafit on tuesday morning, I walked a lot this week AND I started my new workout with Sharline the other night. These are good things that will make a difference in the long run.
So, on tuesday morning after aquafit was done, I was rinsing out my bathing suit in the shower and I noticed that it was literally being held together by some brave threads. After 10 or so years of faithful service, my favourite bathing suit of all times was falling apart. Black with white trim, flattering cut, oh you served me well. It was time for a new one.
Bathing suit shopping sucks. Especially when you can't just whip into any old store and pick up 5 bikinis for a dollar, or whatever it is that skinny girls pay for their two eyepatches and some dental floss.
I did find a new one though....eighty goddamn dollars later. I needed it, yes, but shit man. That's a lot of dollars, especially because I won't be wearing it for 10 years like my other one. I'm going to be getting smaller (ironically enough because of what I'm doing in said bathing suit) and smaller sizes will warrant smaller suits.
Oh well, it's all money well spent. I got new running shoes for the gym too. They sure are white. I think i'm going to have to wear them outside to slightly dirty them up a bit, they're pretty blinding right now.
In other news, I'm knitting the coolest fucking baby shower gift right now. I am going to take pics of it when it's done and given to the pregnant belly in question. But it's totally fucking rad, and totally taking fucking forever to knit. GRRRRR..
Here's to a better week of lard reduction and structured re-education.
xo
lb
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Boomin' Curves ahead
Yeeeeeee! I'm so excited!
My co-worker Sharline is going to take me under her workout wing and show me a thing or two at the gym so I can start shaping this body of mine. I had to book ahead to meet with the trainer...yeah, see ya July 4th, dude. Ugh! So Sharline is going to bridge the gap and kick start my routine. She swears that when she's done with me I "won't have that white girl booty anymore"!
Aw hell yeah.
With motivation like that, I can't waste this opportunity!
xo
lb
PS: I can't believe I'm excited about exercising, I MUST be in it to win it!
My co-worker Sharline is going to take me under her workout wing and show me a thing or two at the gym so I can start shaping this body of mine. I had to book ahead to meet with the trainer...yeah, see ya July 4th, dude. Ugh! So Sharline is going to bridge the gap and kick start my routine. She swears that when she's done with me I "won't have that white girl booty anymore"!
Aw hell yeah.
With motivation like that, I can't waste this opportunity!
xo
lb
PS: I can't believe I'm excited about exercising, I MUST be in it to win it!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
What do I know?
Way. Off. Base.
I was completely convinced that I had gained this week. I just felt very round and heavy. There's been some emotional shiz going on this week, so it was probably just the weight of the world bearing down on me that made me think that I had gained.
Instead, I ditched 1.4 making it an even 16lbs gone forever. To say that I was pleasantly surprised would be a slight understatement.
Another week without a meeting. I think this will be the last week like this for a while, which is good. Even though they had three people working the weigh-in this week, it still felt like a cattle call. AND I got the chick who gave me stick a couple of weeks ago, but she's since come to her senses and is acting like less of a twat.
I made it to the Y once this week, hopefully I can do much better than that next week. Despite missing out on that action, I'm still hoofing it to and from work and I've managed to curb my jones for the good old Double Double at Tim's (coffee with 2 cream, 2 sugar for the non-canadians in the room) in the morning. I limit that now, not only because it's ridiculous in terms of points suckage, but I am reminded that coffee gives me heartburn. I'll stick to my extra large green tea with 1 sweetner from now on. Occasionally, I'll let the Dbl Dbl start my day, but only when really really needed.
Thinking more and more about getting a bike. I used to love bike rides and could use the outside time now that things are getting awesome out.
But for now, I think I'll pass out with Team Shithead who are out cold on my bed. Those cats of mine, they have the right idea today.
xo
LB
PS: 16lbs means I have shed just over 5% of my body weight! Awwww yeah.
I was completely convinced that I had gained this week. I just felt very round and heavy. There's been some emotional shiz going on this week, so it was probably just the weight of the world bearing down on me that made me think that I had gained.
Instead, I ditched 1.4 making it an even 16lbs gone forever. To say that I was pleasantly surprised would be a slight understatement.
Another week without a meeting. I think this will be the last week like this for a while, which is good. Even though they had three people working the weigh-in this week, it still felt like a cattle call. AND I got the chick who gave me stick a couple of weeks ago, but she's since come to her senses and is acting like less of a twat.
I made it to the Y once this week, hopefully I can do much better than that next week. Despite missing out on that action, I'm still hoofing it to and from work and I've managed to curb my jones for the good old Double Double at Tim's (coffee with 2 cream, 2 sugar for the non-canadians in the room) in the morning. I limit that now, not only because it's ridiculous in terms of points suckage, but I am reminded that coffee gives me heartburn. I'll stick to my extra large green tea with 1 sweetner from now on. Occasionally, I'll let the Dbl Dbl start my day, but only when really really needed.
Thinking more and more about getting a bike. I used to love bike rides and could use the outside time now that things are getting awesome out.
But for now, I think I'll pass out with Team Shithead who are out cold on my bed. Those cats of mine, they have the right idea today.
xo
LB
PS: 16lbs means I have shed just over 5% of my body weight! Awwww yeah.
Friday, May 8, 2009
ugh.
I fully expect to make a return to the 290's at weigh-in tomorrow. Not because I went off program, I can just feel it.
Blurg.
xo
lb
Blurg.
xo
lb
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
COULD I get a medal for this? I won't mind one...
I finally dragged my lazy ass out of bed and went to early morning deep-water aquafit this morning. Yup, I hoofed it downtown (20 min), did 45 min of DWA and hoofed it home from work (20 min). That's a rock solid 85 minutes of activity today.
I need need need to make this kind of thing more of a habit. DWA on tuesday and thursday mornings, and some sort of cardio biznatch on some other days at the Y.
Are there any freelance drill-sargeants in London who specialize in getting fat chicks out of bed at 5:30 a.m.? I need one.
xo
LB
I need need need to make this kind of thing more of a habit. DWA on tuesday and thursday mornings, and some sort of cardio biznatch on some other days at the Y.
Are there any freelance drill-sargeants in London who specialize in getting fat chicks out of bed at 5:30 a.m.? I need one.
xo
LB
Saturday, May 2, 2009
I am the tallest person at this bus stop.
Seriously, I felt like a giant this morning while I waited for the bus to take me away to my meeting, which is weird because I'm only 5'7". There were a few other people at the stop, but it felt like they were dwarves or something, I felt like I was 7 ft. tall. I actually thought to myself "Wow, I am the tallest person at this bus stop" and I immediately wanted to burst out laughing because it was such a dumb observation.
Anyhoo...hey, Thusey, how did your weigh-in go?
Well, I would like to announce that not only did I lose 2lbs this week, I also surpassed my "10% so far" mark AND I cracked the 280's.
Eff yeah, homies!
I am so into this right now, the numbers are showing me what I want to see. I finally have a 2-8 prefix on my weight, and I can't remember the last time I saw that.
This morning's meeting was a complete snore. It's not often that I say that, because I love my meetings, but it was all talk about carbs. Start talking about that and I am out like a light. I don't obsess about carbs. Actually, to be honest, I don't give a shit about carbs. I probably should, but I don't. And to sit in a meeting hearing about that, oh how my mind wandered. It wasn't a waste of time, because I still enjoyed being there with everyone else, but I don't think I could tell you what the hell anyone said about anything.
I noticed that a bunch of people who attend my meeting are there with friends or a relative, unlike me who goes solo. For a few minutes I wondered if I missed going through this without a weight loss buddy. The answer was a definite "no" in my head. Sure, it's fun when you have someone familiar there with you, I did some WW tours of duty with people I know. But I realized today that I am really comfortable doing this on my own, because it's less pressure on me. If I was attending with someone else, I would definitely feel pressure to succeed, and that is a weak point for me. The last thing I need is pressure.
Still need to get more activity in. I'm doing the usual walking to and from work, but I need to do more that will help get rid of the flab. I need to crack the whip!
Yessss 280's. Good to see you. I've almost got my milestone rewards worked out, I will be posting that scheme very soon! Wahooooooo!
xo
lb
Anyhoo...hey, Thusey, how did your weigh-in go?
Well, I would like to announce that not only did I lose 2lbs this week, I also surpassed my "10% so far" mark AND I cracked the 280's.
Eff yeah, homies!
I am so into this right now, the numbers are showing me what I want to see. I finally have a 2-8 prefix on my weight, and I can't remember the last time I saw that.
This morning's meeting was a complete snore. It's not often that I say that, because I love my meetings, but it was all talk about carbs. Start talking about that and I am out like a light. I don't obsess about carbs. Actually, to be honest, I don't give a shit about carbs. I probably should, but I don't. And to sit in a meeting hearing about that, oh how my mind wandered. It wasn't a waste of time, because I still enjoyed being there with everyone else, but I don't think I could tell you what the hell anyone said about anything.
I noticed that a bunch of people who attend my meeting are there with friends or a relative, unlike me who goes solo. For a few minutes I wondered if I missed going through this without a weight loss buddy. The answer was a definite "no" in my head. Sure, it's fun when you have someone familiar there with you, I did some WW tours of duty with people I know. But I realized today that I am really comfortable doing this on my own, because it's less pressure on me. If I was attending with someone else, I would definitely feel pressure to succeed, and that is a weak point for me. The last thing I need is pressure.
Still need to get more activity in. I'm doing the usual walking to and from work, but I need to do more that will help get rid of the flab. I need to crack the whip!
Yessss 280's. Good to see you. I've almost got my milestone rewards worked out, I will be posting that scheme very soon! Wahooooooo!
xo
lb
Saturday, April 25, 2009
The honesty's too much
Let's get this nitty-grit out of the way: I stayed the same this week. Which is absolutely fine with me, I had an excellent three week run of losses, I expected to either stay the same or gain a bit. Thankfully, it was the former and not the latter.
But let me tell you what ruined this morning's WW jaunt. (Yes, it's always something).
There was just a weigh-in this morning because the room we use in the superstore (a mondo grocery store that has meeting rooms upstairs which double as cooking classrooms) since they had some seminar planned that would overlap our meeting time.
The WI started at 8:30 and by the time I got there at around 8:45 there was already a bit of a line up. No big deal, not hordes of people. Things were moving smoothly and efficiently, no pandemonium, no riots, not so much as an impatient sigh.
When it was my turn to step on the scale, I had to go to the station manned by the one lady that I don't like dealing with. I find her bossy and fairly rude. My leader was working the other station and I hoped against hope I would get her instead. No dice.
I handed over my little book and my money for the weigh-in (since we were getting screwed out of our meetings, the weigh in was half price, sweet deal), and stepped on the scale. I saw that she recorded a loss and I got all excited until i realized that I hadn't pointed out the clerical error last week's lady had made. She had subtracted my loss but inadvertently written 292.6 instead of 291.6 in my book and on my record. I pointed it out and she only corrected it in my book.
Well, when I pointed this out to this weeks lady, she got totally annoyed. I explained it again and she made me feel like I had just dropped her tax return in a mud puddle. She got all pissy and told me "well, according to your RECORD..." to which I cut her off and pointed out the error and the logic of what I was doing. She then proceeded to tell me that she would have to check all my stats because my book was "all screwed up". Um, no, it's not. Just last week's is screwed up. Take it easy, toots. You've served maybe 8 people so far, you can't get disgruntled yet, so just drop the fucking attitude.
Two seconds later, she had it taken care of and I took my shit and left. Feeling like some sort of criminal fraud artist. Thanks, lady.
What kills me is this: I could have easily just let it go and recorded the loss. Hooray for me, another 1.4 gone, look at me go! Unstoppable! Erect statues in my honour, plan the parades, commission portraits, etc.
But that wasn't the case. I was exactly the same weight as I was last Saturday morning. I wanted the honest zero instead of the fraudulent -1.4. I did the right thing and this broad made me feel like I was trying to get away with something.
Believe me, if I was going to fart around with my stats, I would have done it way better than that. Besides, what's the point of dicking with your numbers? Yeah, I could say that I weigh 150lbs, but the size of my ass is evidence enough to the contrary. Honestly, how ridiculous.
I could have done better food-wise this week. I wasn't as rigid with my food schedule as I usually am, and that always makes a negative difference. I tracked though and I also ate a bunch of my extra points. Yeah, more caution and common sense is needed this week.
I might send an email to my leader about what went down today, but most of me wants to let it go.
xo
lb
But let me tell you what ruined this morning's WW jaunt. (Yes, it's always something).
There was just a weigh-in this morning because the room we use in the superstore (a mondo grocery store that has meeting rooms upstairs which double as cooking classrooms) since they had some seminar planned that would overlap our meeting time.
The WI started at 8:30 and by the time I got there at around 8:45 there was already a bit of a line up. No big deal, not hordes of people. Things were moving smoothly and efficiently, no pandemonium, no riots, not so much as an impatient sigh.
When it was my turn to step on the scale, I had to go to the station manned by the one lady that I don't like dealing with. I find her bossy and fairly rude. My leader was working the other station and I hoped against hope I would get her instead. No dice.
I handed over my little book and my money for the weigh-in (since we were getting screwed out of our meetings, the weigh in was half price, sweet deal), and stepped on the scale. I saw that she recorded a loss and I got all excited until i realized that I hadn't pointed out the clerical error last week's lady had made. She had subtracted my loss but inadvertently written 292.6 instead of 291.6 in my book and on my record. I pointed it out and she only corrected it in my book.
Well, when I pointed this out to this weeks lady, she got totally annoyed. I explained it again and she made me feel like I had just dropped her tax return in a mud puddle. She got all pissy and told me "well, according to your RECORD..." to which I cut her off and pointed out the error and the logic of what I was doing. She then proceeded to tell me that she would have to check all my stats because my book was "all screwed up". Um, no, it's not. Just last week's is screwed up. Take it easy, toots. You've served maybe 8 people so far, you can't get disgruntled yet, so just drop the fucking attitude.
Two seconds later, she had it taken care of and I took my shit and left. Feeling like some sort of criminal fraud artist. Thanks, lady.
What kills me is this: I could have easily just let it go and recorded the loss. Hooray for me, another 1.4 gone, look at me go! Unstoppable! Erect statues in my honour, plan the parades, commission portraits, etc.
But that wasn't the case. I was exactly the same weight as I was last Saturday morning. I wanted the honest zero instead of the fraudulent -1.4. I did the right thing and this broad made me feel like I was trying to get away with something.
Believe me, if I was going to fart around with my stats, I would have done it way better than that. Besides, what's the point of dicking with your numbers? Yeah, I could say that I weigh 150lbs, but the size of my ass is evidence enough to the contrary. Honestly, how ridiculous.
I could have done better food-wise this week. I wasn't as rigid with my food schedule as I usually am, and that always makes a negative difference. I tracked though and I also ate a bunch of my extra points. Yeah, more caution and common sense is needed this week.
I might send an email to my leader about what went down today, but most of me wants to let it go.
xo
lb
Monday, April 20, 2009
Inner ear vs. Frankenankle
Thanks to some inner ear weirdness I got to waste my entire Sunday being nauseous and dizzy. OH YAY. I made it through work today with only a few episodes of dizziness, but methinks jumping in the pool tomorrow morning might be pushing it. I was totally looking forward to it too.
Booooo to common sense.
:(
LB
Booooo to common sense.
:(
LB
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Striking distance
Yesssss. For the third consecutive week I showed a loss at the scale. For now I've broken the back and forth cycle I was stuck in. Please note that I said "For now", since I know that it could easily start again next week.
I was down 1.2 which puts me at a total loss of 12.4. I feel really good, I'm finally starting to notice big changes in my energy level and mindset, changes that are always welcome. The weather here is awesome right now (it's 22 degrees celsius today, I LOVE it) and that helps get me motivated to move more. This week, I am making a concrete effort to get to at least 2 deep aquafit sessions. The frankenankle is really being a bitch these days and I need to get my poor arthritic joints into the pool.
I went out last night to see one of my favourite bands play. Canadian punk legends and great grandads were in town and I had a really good time. Part of the reason I had such a good time, aside from the obvious, is because I felt really good in what I was wearing. Big new doc marten hiking boots, a flattering pair of skinny cut jeans and black jersey shirt that would be considered tight. It was the first time I could feel that I am starting to lose weight and I felt comfortable in the clothes I was wearing. I even exposed my upper arms which NEVER EVER EVER happens.
At the end of the night, with the assistance of my partner in crime for the evening, I got to meet the guys in the band and get my picture taken with each of them. Even more significant because I have some of their album artwork tattooed on one of those big upper arms, which just happens to be the visage of the singer. It was definitely a thrill to meet them and they rocked my face off live (again).
I'm going to do some more work on my goal-setting this weekend. We talked about goals today in the meeting and I want to come up with a goal structure that will keep me motivated and driven. Most of it will be tattoo related, but I'm sure there will other incentives thrown in there as well.
So, here's hoping that I managed to rack up at least another 1.6lb loss this week so I hit the 10% mark. I believe I can do it, so we'll just have to keep rollin' and see what happens.
xo
lb
I was down 1.2 which puts me at a total loss of 12.4. I feel really good, I'm finally starting to notice big changes in my energy level and mindset, changes that are always welcome. The weather here is awesome right now (it's 22 degrees celsius today, I LOVE it) and that helps get me motivated to move more. This week, I am making a concrete effort to get to at least 2 deep aquafit sessions. The frankenankle is really being a bitch these days and I need to get my poor arthritic joints into the pool.
I went out last night to see one of my favourite bands play. Canadian punk legends and great grandads were in town and I had a really good time. Part of the reason I had such a good time, aside from the obvious, is because I felt really good in what I was wearing. Big new doc marten hiking boots, a flattering pair of skinny cut jeans and black jersey shirt that would be considered tight. It was the first time I could feel that I am starting to lose weight and I felt comfortable in the clothes I was wearing. I even exposed my upper arms which NEVER EVER EVER happens.
At the end of the night, with the assistance of my partner in crime for the evening, I got to meet the guys in the band and get my picture taken with each of them. Even more significant because I have some of their album artwork tattooed on one of those big upper arms, which just happens to be the visage of the singer. It was definitely a thrill to meet them and they rocked my face off live (again).I'm going to do some more work on my goal-setting this weekend. We talked about goals today in the meeting and I want to come up with a goal structure that will keep me motivated and driven. Most of it will be tattoo related, but I'm sure there will other incentives thrown in there as well.
So, here's hoping that I managed to rack up at least another 1.6lb loss this week so I hit the 10% mark. I believe I can do it, so we'll just have to keep rollin' and see what happens.
xo
lb
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Every girl should have an Andrew WK that loves her
Oh, Andrew WK, you hyper spaz in dirty clothing, where have you gone? Sure, your fad party rock anthems are a thing of the past, but someone who writes a song like "She is Beautiful" is permanently a-ok in my books.
Another pound gone forever. I'm inching closer and closer to the 10% mark in this little journey of mine. When I hit 14lbs, that will be the first 10% of this deal done. Of course, I'm talking about 10% of the weight I have to lose being gone, not 10% of my body weight. That won't happen for a while yet.
I've never really considered myself a goal-oriented person, but in something like this, a really big task, I need goals. Manageable goals. I need to have something relatively close on the radar, that's what makes it both real and doable for me.
Putting a percentage in front of me helps. I like to know that a chunk of the task at hand is done with and that as I keep working, more chunks will fall away, both literally and figuratively.
I'm finally committed to this, and as I head into week 13, I'm proud of what I'm accomplishing. 11.2 pounds are gone, and they're gone because of the work I've done. I'm changing my brain and habits, even the old ones that die so hard.
The fallout from the stomach stapling soap opera was nasty this week, I won't go into detail about it, but some shit went down and it really doesn't sit too well with me. I will say this: I find it hilarious when people can't see the hurt they've caused because they're too busy patting themselves on the back over all the good they're doing. Bravo, jackasses.
It's easter weekend and I'm proud to say that I'm not even tempted to go and consume copious amounts of chocolate or shit like that. Honestly, I walk by the easter candy displays and think "meh". The only thing that really turns my crank are Cadbury eggs or their mini-eggs. And even when I see those, I'm still in "Meh" mode. I just don't crave it or feel deprived if I don't have it. Same goes with our traditional easter foods. I'm just not into it. Yeah, I love me some scalloped potatoes or cheesy hashbrowns, but right now, taking a pass on them is no big thing.
Sometimes my lack of intense, boo-hoo cravings worries me. Kind of like when I stopped smoking, I worry that the other shoe is going to drop and it's going to drop with a resounding thud. Almost 2 and a half years later, I still don't want to smoke, it barely crosses my mind. But will that come back and bite me in the ass one day? Will it all go to shit and will I find myself puffing my lungs away? I don't know. I doubt it, but that question mark lingers in the background.
I'm more concerned about the food side of it because if that all goes to shit, I'm done for. I would eat myself into fucking oblivion. There's a good chance that if I crash and burn with this, it will be my death sentence. I've been so incredibly lucky not to have any of the co-morbidities associated with being obese (diabetes, insane blood pressure, etc). I get the feeling though, if I threw all of this away, I'd be totally down for the count. That's pretty scary to me.
It all plays on my mind but I've borrowed the mentality of a very close friend who is in recovery for something far more deadly and serious than what I'm dealing with (in my opinion). All I can do is take it one day at a time, set small, manageable goals and be grateful for this opportunity to get right. If I put too much pressure on myself, I will doom myself to certain failure. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
10% draws near, and I'm pretty excited about it. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm big on countdowns. I think that comes from years of listening to Casey Kasem every weekend when I was a kid. Every weekend was a slightly different experience, and as you got closer to the #1 song in the nation, you got this feeling of anticipation (especially if you knew it was going to be Duran Duran) and accomplishment when Casey signed off and told you to keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. (good god, what a tagline).
Yup, 11.2 down, 128.8 to go. Totally do-able. I'm sure Casey Kasem would agree.
I'm off to fight the crowds of loser yuppies at the valumart, then it's all about 2 knitting patterns that are begging to be created.
xo
lb
Another pound gone forever. I'm inching closer and closer to the 10% mark in this little journey of mine. When I hit 14lbs, that will be the first 10% of this deal done. Of course, I'm talking about 10% of the weight I have to lose being gone, not 10% of my body weight. That won't happen for a while yet.
I've never really considered myself a goal-oriented person, but in something like this, a really big task, I need goals. Manageable goals. I need to have something relatively close on the radar, that's what makes it both real and doable for me.
Putting a percentage in front of me helps. I like to know that a chunk of the task at hand is done with and that as I keep working, more chunks will fall away, both literally and figuratively.
I'm finally committed to this, and as I head into week 13, I'm proud of what I'm accomplishing. 11.2 pounds are gone, and they're gone because of the work I've done. I'm changing my brain and habits, even the old ones that die so hard.
The fallout from the stomach stapling soap opera was nasty this week, I won't go into detail about it, but some shit went down and it really doesn't sit too well with me. I will say this: I find it hilarious when people can't see the hurt they've caused because they're too busy patting themselves on the back over all the good they're doing. Bravo, jackasses.
It's easter weekend and I'm proud to say that I'm not even tempted to go and consume copious amounts of chocolate or shit like that. Honestly, I walk by the easter candy displays and think "meh". The only thing that really turns my crank are Cadbury eggs or their mini-eggs. And even when I see those, I'm still in "Meh" mode. I just don't crave it or feel deprived if I don't have it. Same goes with our traditional easter foods. I'm just not into it. Yeah, I love me some scalloped potatoes or cheesy hashbrowns, but right now, taking a pass on them is no big thing.
Sometimes my lack of intense, boo-hoo cravings worries me. Kind of like when I stopped smoking, I worry that the other shoe is going to drop and it's going to drop with a resounding thud. Almost 2 and a half years later, I still don't want to smoke, it barely crosses my mind. But will that come back and bite me in the ass one day? Will it all go to shit and will I find myself puffing my lungs away? I don't know. I doubt it, but that question mark lingers in the background.
I'm more concerned about the food side of it because if that all goes to shit, I'm done for. I would eat myself into fucking oblivion. There's a good chance that if I crash and burn with this, it will be my death sentence. I've been so incredibly lucky not to have any of the co-morbidities associated with being obese (diabetes, insane blood pressure, etc). I get the feeling though, if I threw all of this away, I'd be totally down for the count. That's pretty scary to me.
It all plays on my mind but I've borrowed the mentality of a very close friend who is in recovery for something far more deadly and serious than what I'm dealing with (in my opinion). All I can do is take it one day at a time, set small, manageable goals and be grateful for this opportunity to get right. If I put too much pressure on myself, I will doom myself to certain failure. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
10% draws near, and I'm pretty excited about it. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm big on countdowns. I think that comes from years of listening to Casey Kasem every weekend when I was a kid. Every weekend was a slightly different experience, and as you got closer to the #1 song in the nation, you got this feeling of anticipation (especially if you knew it was going to be Duran Duran) and accomplishment when Casey signed off and told you to keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. (good god, what a tagline).
Yup, 11.2 down, 128.8 to go. Totally do-able. I'm sure Casey Kasem would agree.
I'm off to fight the crowds of loser yuppies at the valumart, then it's all about 2 knitting patterns that are begging to be created.
xo
lb
Friday, April 10, 2009
gotta gotta get away
I am aware that I desperately need a vacation. A real vacation, definitely a vacation that doesn't involve any kind of surgery on my ankle (that is how I've spent my last couple of vacations, fun fun fun).
Today I find myself wanting more. I still daydream about vanishing for a while just to concentrate on weight loss and exercise. A covert conversion. My own personal biggest loser deal. Vanity takes over my imagination sometimes, and I gotta tell ya, the thought of jaws dropping left right and centre is a pretty sweet feeling. Far-fetched, but sweet.
It is an impossible dream. My furniture is not made out of buckets of cash, and really, real life just isn't that way. Very few people can afford the time and cabbage required to run away and transform themselves. The rest of us have work, homes, and lives to deal with instead. But man, the thought of pissing off to some remote island in the south pacific to be relentlessly trained by some taskmaster trainer for a few months sounds pretty good to me right about now.
Sometimes, when the chips are down, our imaginations are all we have. Somehow, those far-fetched daydreams can be parlayed into some kind of incentive in our daily lives. One day, I will reach my goal of having lost 150lbs. One day, all of this flab will be gone for good.
One day.
I hope it's tomorrow.
Just kidding.
xo
lb
Today I find myself wanting more. I still daydream about vanishing for a while just to concentrate on weight loss and exercise. A covert conversion. My own personal biggest loser deal. Vanity takes over my imagination sometimes, and I gotta tell ya, the thought of jaws dropping left right and centre is a pretty sweet feeling. Far-fetched, but sweet.
It is an impossible dream. My furniture is not made out of buckets of cash, and really, real life just isn't that way. Very few people can afford the time and cabbage required to run away and transform themselves. The rest of us have work, homes, and lives to deal with instead. But man, the thought of pissing off to some remote island in the south pacific to be relentlessly trained by some taskmaster trainer for a few months sounds pretty good to me right about now.
Sometimes, when the chips are down, our imaginations are all we have. Somehow, those far-fetched daydreams can be parlayed into some kind of incentive in our daily lives. One day, I will reach my goal of having lost 150lbs. One day, all of this flab will be gone for good.
One day.
I hope it's tomorrow.
Just kidding.
xo
lb
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