Oh, Andrew WK, you hyper spaz in dirty clothing, where have you gone? Sure, your fad party rock anthems are a thing of the past, but someone who writes a song like "She is Beautiful" is permanently a-ok in my books.
Another pound gone forever. I'm inching closer and closer to the 10% mark in this little journey of mine. When I hit 14lbs, that will be the first 10% of this deal done. Of course, I'm talking about 10% of the weight I have to lose being gone, not 10% of my body weight. That won't happen for a while yet.
I've never really considered myself a goal-oriented person, but in something like this, a really big task, I need goals. Manageable goals. I need to have something relatively close on the radar, that's what makes it both real and doable for me.
Putting a percentage in front of me helps. I like to know that a chunk of the task at hand is done with and that as I keep working, more chunks will fall away, both literally and figuratively.
I'm finally committed to this, and as I head into week 13, I'm proud of what I'm accomplishing. 11.2 pounds are gone, and they're gone because of the work I've done. I'm changing my brain and habits, even the old ones that die so hard.
The fallout from the stomach stapling soap opera was nasty this week, I won't go into detail about it, but some shit went down and it really doesn't sit too well with me. I will say this: I find it hilarious when people can't see the hurt they've caused because they're too busy patting themselves on the back over all the good they're doing. Bravo, jackasses.
It's easter weekend and I'm proud to say that I'm not even tempted to go and consume copious amounts of chocolate or shit like that. Honestly, I walk by the easter candy displays and think "meh". The only thing that really turns my crank are Cadbury eggs or their mini-eggs. And even when I see those, I'm still in "Meh" mode. I just don't crave it or feel deprived if I don't have it. Same goes with our traditional easter foods. I'm just not into it. Yeah, I love me some scalloped potatoes or cheesy hashbrowns, but right now, taking a pass on them is no big thing.
Sometimes my lack of intense, boo-hoo cravings worries me. Kind of like when I stopped smoking, I worry that the other shoe is going to drop and it's going to drop with a resounding thud. Almost 2 and a half years later, I still don't want to smoke, it barely crosses my mind. But will that come back and bite me in the ass one day? Will it all go to shit and will I find myself puffing my lungs away? I don't know. I doubt it, but that question mark lingers in the background.
I'm more concerned about the food side of it because if that all goes to shit, I'm done for. I would eat myself into fucking oblivion. There's a good chance that if I crash and burn with this, it will be my death sentence. I've been so incredibly lucky not to have any of the co-morbidities associated with being obese (diabetes, insane blood pressure, etc). I get the feeling though, if I threw all of this away, I'd be totally down for the count. That's pretty scary to me.
It all plays on my mind but I've borrowed the mentality of a very close friend who is in recovery for something far more deadly and serious than what I'm dealing with (in my opinion). All I can do is take it one day at a time, set small, manageable goals and be grateful for this opportunity to get right. If I put too much pressure on myself, I will doom myself to certain failure. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
10% draws near, and I'm pretty excited about it. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm big on countdowns. I think that comes from years of listening to Casey Kasem every weekend when I was a kid. Every weekend was a slightly different experience, and as you got closer to the #1 song in the nation, you got this feeling of anticipation (especially if you knew it was going to be Duran Duran) and accomplishment when Casey signed off and told you to keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. (good god, what a tagline).
Yup, 11.2 down, 128.8 to go. Totally do-able. I'm sure Casey Kasem would agree.
I'm off to fight the crowds of loser yuppies at the valumart, then it's all about 2 knitting patterns that are begging to be created.
xo
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Thusey, where you at?
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Oh I so know what you mean about setting goals for yourself along the way. I have this INSANE excel spreadsheet (that I plan on posting at least part of this week) that literally tracks everything about my weight loss...Lbs lost, percentage I am to goal weight, BMI stats, etc. Nothing wrong with being this way :) haha
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of the spreadsheet, I'm such a visual person, it would totally get me even more motivated.
ReplyDeleteI know I'd go crazy with it though, there would be bar graphs and pie charts, and I would probably just start showing people on the street, that's how proud I'd be. "psst, hey buddy, look how far I've come from 304 lbs... it's in the graph!!"