The Year of Getting Rad

Time just seems to slip away, over and over again.  Important things fall by the wayside, priorities change and, eventually, all feels as though it is lost.

Until today, all really did feel lost.  Maybe not permanently lost, but it felt so far away and impossible, I had no idea how I would get back on the horse I had put out to pasture months ago.

Something personal took me down below the surface, and for months all I have been able to do is work and sleep to keep my brain from melting to nothing.  I'm not fuckin' around here, it has been one of those personal journeys that can make or break your spirit, and your perspective on what you think you know. The blackest of black dogs crept in and, before I knew it, wrapped me in its loving arms of laziness and depression. Any energy or drive I had built up was completely done for.  I was well and truly down the well.

For the last 2 weeks, I have been on vacation.  Nothing glamourous, nothing beachy, just farting around at home with the odd road trip here and there.  Knowing what I've been trudging through for the past few months, I decided to take my time and come up with a plan of attack in terms of renewing my commitment to ditching this goddamn lard once and for all.  No gung-ho, gangbusters, rah rah rah "let's DO this!".  It was time for careful, strategic planning.  Conscious and mindful.  Rock. Fucking. Steady.

It was also time to admit that I can't be trusted to do it by myself.  I've said it every time I went back to Fat Camp, and it applies here, too.  I need the leash.  I need to be accountable to someone else for my actions or inaction.  I need adult supervision.

Today, I embarked on what will be one of the most important years of my life.  Today kicked off my year of getting rad.  With my gym membership came some complimentary sessions with a personal trainer, and I went for one of those sessions today.  I fessed up and said I was bored and have completely lost my way.  I explained everything and she totally understood where I was coming from.  Then, she said she is committed to kicking my ass.

I've never been happier to have someone say that it is their mission to kick my fucking ass.  In the next year, I will see what see just how much I can do to transform myself.  Food, exercise, the whole shootin' match. I refuse to put a specific number on it because if I did, I would be instantly doomed to failure.  All I want is to see just how far I can push myself and how that work will change my physical state. 

After all the bullshit I've been going through, it's time to focus on me and remember what it's like to be selfish in one of the best possible ways.  It's time to pay attention and wake up. 

And so, it begins.  Journey to the Centre of the Radical.  I will be back to more frequent posts, rambling on about all this, so stay tuned.  Let's see what happens, shall we?

xo
LB