Conflict.

I reached a breaking point today, tears and all. Not a good day.

Another extremely disappointing week at the scales, despite a week of excellent eating, consistent tracking and good activity.

Today, I've had enough.

I believe in the program and it's very nice that it's working for many other people. It just so happens to not be working for me. I'm not saying this without giving it a fair shot. I've been on board since the Canadian launch in December of last year, and while it's going swimmingly for many other people in my meeting, it has sent my progress right down the shitter.

Instead of leaving in a rage (and believe me, getting up and walking out was what I wanted to do more than anything), I stayed for the meeting and I waited out the program knowledge session for the new members. I talked to my leader (who is extremely awesome) and before I could even get my first sentence out, I was in tears. THAT is how frustrated I am. We went through my tracker, and nothing is standing out as being the reason why the new numbers aren't working with me.

I made it clear that I can't really justify spending money every week on something that just isn't working for me personally. And when you have as far to go as I do, you have to be realistic in your planning.

My leader is awesome and gave me the option of taking a few weeks off to think everything over and then return if I wanted to. She's always been very accommodating, and I appreciate that.

I really don't know what I will do or where else I would go from here. There's nothing out there that is suited to me or that I'm willing to dedicate as much time and effort to. I'm so conflicted and feeling very lost. It's terrifying, because I'm nowhere near where I need to be.

I'm cold, I'm tired and I'm far from home.

LB