I was up 2 lbs at weigh-in. That didn't go over too well with me. I've been far too cranky all weekend so I decided the old "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything" attitude was the way to go.
I'm pissed, even though my meeting leader assured me that it probably has more to do with my new workout routine than anything else. It still grates on me that the number went up, I need to learn to get over that shit.
This week, the pools are closed and they're re-doing the change rooms at the Y so I'm not doing my usual early morning stuff. Everyone gets to use the family change room which has been divided down the middle for the duration. Duke it out for a locker or the shower? Fuck that. I'm taking the week off and just continuing to hoof it back and forth to work. I have two days off to go see Motorhead anyhow, so my schedule is already screwy.
So, I'm cranky and frustrated. What else is new? Seems like it's going around, especially among people trying to ditch extra pounds. But I'm still in it to win it, and I'm still with the program. That's what matters to me right now.
xo
lb
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
blah-de-blah blah blah
I forgot to blog yesterday....weird. I would have completely forgotten today had my friend Cora not nudged me with a gentle "ahem....". Thanks, MsC!
Thankfully, I was down 1.6 this week. Honestly, I was expecting a gain, so that was a nice surprise.
Forgive me, oh weight loss gods, for I didn't track this week. I'm not going to sugar coat it, I was lazy this week. Not when it came to the gym (although I missed 2 mornings because of going into work early and an early morning appointment), not when it came to the food I ate, I just wasn't into writing it down.
But still, shame on me. For as much as I tell myself that I'm in it to win it, why have I let myself slack on one of the fundamentals of the program? I need to get my shit together and get back to the accountability side of things. If I continue to not track, then it will be that much easier to fall back into bad habits, bigger portions, and the lard ass ridiculousness that got me here in the first place.
So yes, back to the tracking this week, smarten up, you.
Oh yeah, and at 6:00 a.m. on wednesday morning, I will be taking a kettle bell weight demo class. It may kill me.
My last point of business is that the comments on this blog are now screened before they appear. Nothing personal, I just get freaked out by 100% anonymous posts (in the past, I've requested that you sign your name). So yeah, feel free to comment but if there's no name, it won't be posted. My blog, my rules, dudes.
here's my parting thought: it's one thing to stand up for yourself, but it's a lot harder to stand up TO yourself.
xo
lb
Thankfully, I was down 1.6 this week. Honestly, I was expecting a gain, so that was a nice surprise.
Forgive me, oh weight loss gods, for I didn't track this week. I'm not going to sugar coat it, I was lazy this week. Not when it came to the gym (although I missed 2 mornings because of going into work early and an early morning appointment), not when it came to the food I ate, I just wasn't into writing it down.
But still, shame on me. For as much as I tell myself that I'm in it to win it, why have I let myself slack on one of the fundamentals of the program? I need to get my shit together and get back to the accountability side of things. If I continue to not track, then it will be that much easier to fall back into bad habits, bigger portions, and the lard ass ridiculousness that got me here in the first place.
So yes, back to the tracking this week, smarten up, you.
Oh yeah, and at 6:00 a.m. on wednesday morning, I will be taking a kettle bell weight demo class. It may kill me.
My last point of business is that the comments on this blog are now screened before they appear. Nothing personal, I just get freaked out by 100% anonymous posts (in the past, I've requested that you sign your name). So yeah, feel free to comment but if there's no name, it won't be posted. My blog, my rules, dudes.
here's my parting thought: it's one thing to stand up for yourself, but it's a lot harder to stand up TO yourself.
xo
lb
Monday, August 17, 2009
Water is stupid. Sorry, water is STOOPID.
Yeah yeah yeah, it happens, I know. You can't help water gains blah blah blah. Keep talkin', even though I'm not really listening.
I gained weight this week. Nothing overly shocking, but it was still a gain. Honestly, I got off easy. A 2lb gain is really nothing considering I was all watery thanks to the female condition AND it's been so incredibly humid here. Some people at my meeting gained 5+lbs from the humidity alone. Welcome to a Southern Ontario summer, where the humidity boosts the heat values at least 10 degrees even at night. I walked to the gym at 6 this morning, the sun wasn't even totally up yet, and the humidex was already in the low 30's (you can do your own fahrenheit conversions, I have faith in your abilities). After 20 minutes of just walking, I walked into the Y drenched with sweat. The lady who works at the counter just kind of chuckled because I wasn't the only one arriving in that condition. I proceeded to workout and make matters worse, but it was worth it.
At the meeting this week, we talked about cravings and the management thereof. It was an interesting conversation, and I think it's something that anyone attempting to ditch some lard needs to think about. More than just cravings though, I really think it spreads into the idea of verboten food.
I've written before about how I managed to stop smoking a few years ago, and the same logic applies to food cravings. I "stopped" smoking, not "quit". The simple choice of words allowed my brain to relax. No pressure. Quitting has a finality to it that, for me, tempts failure. When I think of "quitting" smoking, I automatically think of cranky fucking people who do nothing but bitch and moan about nic fits and the injustice of it all. Oh the humanity of wanting to add time on your life and not smell like shit. Oh the unfairness of saving buckets of cash (seriously, a large pack of name brand smokes goes for $10+ around here. Jesus.) Woe is me, woe is me...
When I say that I simply "stopped" smoking, it's different. If I started again, it was no big deal. I didn't quit and then shamefully start again, smarting from the failure of not being able cut it without a smoke in my hand. Another key point was that I didn't really tell anyone I was stopping. That made a HUGE difference. I think I only told one person, and even then I had said something like "I ran out of smokes yesterday, I'm just going to see what happens if I don't buy another pack". No major proclamation of "Hear ye, hear ye one and all, Lesley Bell has quit smoking cigarettes after TWENTY LONG YEARS! Bow down...". Nope, it was my business and I was accountable to only me if I decided to light up again. Which I didn't. It will be 3 years in January and I still haven't had a nic fit. I'm not saying it won't happen, but so far so good.
What it comes down to is a choice being made, and that choice applies to cigarettes, food, whatever the problem vice may be, those just happen to be mine. Feeling deprived is a really sore point for me, I attribute it to listening to angry punk rock most of my life. I can't have something I want? Really? That's interesting. Tell me that again, but you'll have to speak up because I'm busy cracking my knuckles....
These days, I am pretty level with myself. You want a pack of smokes? Sure, go for it. There's a store on the corner that sells all kinds of 'em. Do it up if you want. I have the option. I simply choose not to. No deprivation, no sense of lacking.
I find I have been doing the same with food lately. That thing of danishes looks pretty good. Want it? Go for it. They're overpriced but still, if you want 'em, they're there. (Nope, not worth it.) Hey, tubes of cookie dough are right there. (Meh, whatevs, that was always an instantly regretted decision)....you get the picture. By not denying myself, I don't feel deprived. I know what I'm doing is to better myself, and I really don't get too jazzed at the idea of having to work twice as hard to see no change on the scale. Fuck that! I work hard enough as it is to see that number go down, I'm not going to make it harder on myself for cryin' out sakes.
Now, this is what does the trick for me and me only. If we were all the same, then Oprah would have solved our fat problem decades ago.
Here's to another week of keepin' on with the keepin' on.
xo
lb
I gained weight this week. Nothing overly shocking, but it was still a gain. Honestly, I got off easy. A 2lb gain is really nothing considering I was all watery thanks to the female condition AND it's been so incredibly humid here. Some people at my meeting gained 5+lbs from the humidity alone. Welcome to a Southern Ontario summer, where the humidity boosts the heat values at least 10 degrees even at night. I walked to the gym at 6 this morning, the sun wasn't even totally up yet, and the humidex was already in the low 30's (you can do your own fahrenheit conversions, I have faith in your abilities). After 20 minutes of just walking, I walked into the Y drenched with sweat. The lady who works at the counter just kind of chuckled because I wasn't the only one arriving in that condition. I proceeded to workout and make matters worse, but it was worth it.
At the meeting this week, we talked about cravings and the management thereof. It was an interesting conversation, and I think it's something that anyone attempting to ditch some lard needs to think about. More than just cravings though, I really think it spreads into the idea of verboten food.
I've written before about how I managed to stop smoking a few years ago, and the same logic applies to food cravings. I "stopped" smoking, not "quit". The simple choice of words allowed my brain to relax. No pressure. Quitting has a finality to it that, for me, tempts failure. When I think of "quitting" smoking, I automatically think of cranky fucking people who do nothing but bitch and moan about nic fits and the injustice of it all. Oh the humanity of wanting to add time on your life and not smell like shit. Oh the unfairness of saving buckets of cash (seriously, a large pack of name brand smokes goes for $10+ around here. Jesus.) Woe is me, woe is me...
When I say that I simply "stopped" smoking, it's different. If I started again, it was no big deal. I didn't quit and then shamefully start again, smarting from the failure of not being able cut it without a smoke in my hand. Another key point was that I didn't really tell anyone I was stopping. That made a HUGE difference. I think I only told one person, and even then I had said something like "I ran out of smokes yesterday, I'm just going to see what happens if I don't buy another pack". No major proclamation of "Hear ye, hear ye one and all, Lesley Bell has quit smoking cigarettes after TWENTY LONG YEARS! Bow down...". Nope, it was my business and I was accountable to only me if I decided to light up again. Which I didn't. It will be 3 years in January and I still haven't had a nic fit. I'm not saying it won't happen, but so far so good.
What it comes down to is a choice being made, and that choice applies to cigarettes, food, whatever the problem vice may be, those just happen to be mine. Feeling deprived is a really sore point for me, I attribute it to listening to angry punk rock most of my life. I can't have something I want? Really? That's interesting. Tell me that again, but you'll have to speak up because I'm busy cracking my knuckles....
These days, I am pretty level with myself. You want a pack of smokes? Sure, go for it. There's a store on the corner that sells all kinds of 'em. Do it up if you want. I have the option. I simply choose not to. No deprivation, no sense of lacking.
I find I have been doing the same with food lately. That thing of danishes looks pretty good. Want it? Go for it. They're overpriced but still, if you want 'em, they're there. (Nope, not worth it.) Hey, tubes of cookie dough are right there. (Meh, whatevs, that was always an instantly regretted decision)....you get the picture. By not denying myself, I don't feel deprived. I know what I'm doing is to better myself, and I really don't get too jazzed at the idea of having to work twice as hard to see no change on the scale. Fuck that! I work hard enough as it is to see that number go down, I'm not going to make it harder on myself for cryin' out sakes.
Now, this is what does the trick for me and me only. If we were all the same, then Oprah would have solved our fat problem decades ago.
Here's to another week of keepin' on with the keepin' on.
xo
lb
Sunday, August 9, 2009
what a world, what a world....gurgle gurgle
I just walked for 45 minutes, from my sister's house to mine in 43 degree humidex (that's around 109-110 fahrenheit).
I'm pretty sure I just sweated off the last 110lbs I need to lose. DONE!
ahah I wish. I'm being serious about the supersweatytothemax walk though. What the eff is up with me?
xo
el bee
I'm pretty sure I just sweated off the last 110lbs I need to lose. DONE!
ahah I wish. I'm being serious about the supersweatytothemax walk though. What the eff is up with me?
xo
el bee
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Sit still, this might hurt just a little...
Well, well, well. Perhaps I was understating just a little when I said that my first inky goal may have been within striking distance this week.
I lost 5.4lbs this week. No joke, I actually gasped while standing on the scale at weigh-in this morning. That puts me at a total of 27.4 gone forever.
Can you believe that shit? FIVE POINT FOUR POUNDS.
I have officially earned the completion of one of my unfinished tattoos. Every 25lbs means fresh ink, and as soon as I can, I will hear the buzz of impending inkdom once again. WEEEEEE!
I wish I could tell you exactly how I did it, besides going to the gym and staying on plan. BORING. But I did work fucking hard at the gym, and despite an unexpected dinner out with my dad, I ditched some lard.
So, I got my first little piece of hardware today, my 25lb medallion. I dig it. There's no rhinestones or anything on it. It's just a little metal disc. But getting that little metal disc today made me feel amazing. After such an emotionally supershitty week, that little piece of metal reminded me how exciting this process is and how my hard work is the only way I'm going to get through it.
I'm also within reach of my 10% lost body weight mark (another 2.6 and I'm there). Since I had such a massive loss this week, I doubt I'll get there for another couple of weeks, but still, that's a pretty big deal and I'm willing to keep going.
Oh yeah, I'm in the 270's now. I honestly could not tell you the last time I was here. Holy shit.
xo
lb
(my initials still make me laugh, especially on a freaking weight loss blawg.)
I lost 5.4lbs this week. No joke, I actually gasped while standing on the scale at weigh-in this morning. That puts me at a total of 27.4 gone forever.
Can you believe that shit? FIVE POINT FOUR POUNDS.
I have officially earned the completion of one of my unfinished tattoos. Every 25lbs means fresh ink, and as soon as I can, I will hear the buzz of impending inkdom once again. WEEEEEE!
I wish I could tell you exactly how I did it, besides going to the gym and staying on plan. BORING. But I did work fucking hard at the gym, and despite an unexpected dinner out with my dad, I ditched some lard.
So, I got my first little piece of hardware today, my 25lb medallion. I dig it. There's no rhinestones or anything on it. It's just a little metal disc. But getting that little metal disc today made me feel amazing. After such an emotionally supershitty week, that little piece of metal reminded me how exciting this process is and how my hard work is the only way I'm going to get through it.
I'm also within reach of my 10% lost body weight mark (another 2.6 and I'm there). Since I had such a massive loss this week, I doubt I'll get there for another couple of weeks, but still, that's a pretty big deal and I'm willing to keep going.
Oh yeah, I'm in the 270's now. I honestly could not tell you the last time I was here. Holy shit.
xo
lb
(my initials still make me laugh, especially on a freaking weight loss blawg.)
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Closer Still
So, remember the time I bought a bathing suit at the fat girl store for $80 and was all pissed off about it? Yeah, well, here it is a few months later and the piece of crap is already falling apart! As if. I wore it twice a week for the better part of three months and already the fabric is going to shit, and of course the worst of it is right over the ass crack. It's not like it's getting super stretched or anything either, just completely shoddy.
I picked up a much better looking and feeling suit at Walfart today for fucking $12. Yes. $12 instead of $80. Ugh. I won't feel quite so bad if this one falls apart. Watch it melts or something as soon as it hits chlorinated water. Hahaha the mental picture is pretty funny.
Aaaaanyhow.
It's Saturday morning so that means I got to go stand on a scale. Contrary to other weeks, I felt really good and confident that I would see a loss. Usually, that would be my undoing. Feeling all good and righteous would mean I would have gained 8lbs or something terrible like that. However, I managed to ditch 2.2 lbs this week even with working out every day before work. My body is dealing with it and working with me. So that brings me down a total of 22lbs.
22lbs. That's 3lbs away from my first reward goal. Inka dinka doo! That's right, as soon as I hit the 25lb mark, I'll be hot footin' it over for a consult with my tattoo artist on how to finish off one of my tattoos. I'm pretty glad I have just the right number of unfinished ones for this reward plan as it's amazing motivation for me. I loves me some ink, friends, and I'll be so glad when there's plenty more of it under my skin.
I managed to get my ass to the gym every day of the work week for a second week in a row. I have to say, I'm digging it. I'm finding it a good way to get my day going, and there's never a huge crowd there at 6:30 a.m. Not sure what I'll do on monday, though. It's a holiday here so the Y doesn't open until 8:30. I might venture over, but I might not. We'll see where the morning takes me.
Three pounds. I don't know how long that will take, I would love to say 1 or two weeks, but you just never know. But still, I have my eyes on that first prize.
xo
LB
I picked up a much better looking and feeling suit at Walfart today for fucking $12. Yes. $12 instead of $80. Ugh. I won't feel quite so bad if this one falls apart. Watch it melts or something as soon as it hits chlorinated water. Hahaha the mental picture is pretty funny.
Aaaaanyhow.
It's Saturday morning so that means I got to go stand on a scale. Contrary to other weeks, I felt really good and confident that I would see a loss. Usually, that would be my undoing. Feeling all good and righteous would mean I would have gained 8lbs or something terrible like that. However, I managed to ditch 2.2 lbs this week even with working out every day before work. My body is dealing with it and working with me. So that brings me down a total of 22lbs.
22lbs. That's 3lbs away from my first reward goal. Inka dinka doo! That's right, as soon as I hit the 25lb mark, I'll be hot footin' it over for a consult with my tattoo artist on how to finish off one of my tattoos. I'm pretty glad I have just the right number of unfinished ones for this reward plan as it's amazing motivation for me. I loves me some ink, friends, and I'll be so glad when there's plenty more of it under my skin.
I managed to get my ass to the gym every day of the work week for a second week in a row. I have to say, I'm digging it. I'm finding it a good way to get my day going, and there's never a huge crowd there at 6:30 a.m. Not sure what I'll do on monday, though. It's a holiday here so the Y doesn't open until 8:30. I might venture over, but I might not. We'll see where the morning takes me.
Three pounds. I don't know how long that will take, I would love to say 1 or two weeks, but you just never know. But still, I have my eyes on that first prize.
xo
LB
Saturday, July 25, 2009
pat pat pat
As I expected, there was a gain on the scale this week. Not from going off the rails at all, this was a positive kind of gain.
I did it. I made it to the gym every goddamn day this week before work. I left my house at 6 a.m. every single day to get to the Y and workout/aquafit before heading to the shop.
Sure, people have done this for ages, but those people aren't me. Those five days proved to me that I am changing my brain and willing to do what it takes to get what I want. Only on Friday did I have any sort of "do I REALLY want to get out of bed right now?" moment, but I ignored it and hauled ass downtown.
So, due to this new activity, my body decided it wanted to rebel a little and I showed a 2lb gain. But, I talked to my leader about it and feel alright. It will level off, and it would also help if I ate more protein. I know those 2lbs won't be there long (if I can help it) and I know they're the result of me doing something positive.
But still, they put me back under the 20lb by .2 lbs. That still pisses me off a bit.
The weekend is a rest time for me, I really don't want to overdo this shit. I may be going at it like ninety, but I am trying to remain reasonable.
This week I'm going to try it again and see what happens. I may be able to do it, I may not. I refuse to pressure myself to the point of guilt, but I do know I have to keep at it if I want to see any kind of result.
Wow, what a fucking boring post.
xo
lb
I did it. I made it to the gym every goddamn day this week before work. I left my house at 6 a.m. every single day to get to the Y and workout/aquafit before heading to the shop.
Sure, people have done this for ages, but those people aren't me. Those five days proved to me that I am changing my brain and willing to do what it takes to get what I want. Only on Friday did I have any sort of "do I REALLY want to get out of bed right now?" moment, but I ignored it and hauled ass downtown.
So, due to this new activity, my body decided it wanted to rebel a little and I showed a 2lb gain. But, I talked to my leader about it and feel alright. It will level off, and it would also help if I ate more protein. I know those 2lbs won't be there long (if I can help it) and I know they're the result of me doing something positive.
But still, they put me back under the 20lb by .2 lbs. That still pisses me off a bit.
The weekend is a rest time for me, I really don't want to overdo this shit. I may be going at it like ninety, but I am trying to remain reasonable.
This week I'm going to try it again and see what happens. I may be able to do it, I may not. I refuse to pressure myself to the point of guilt, but I do know I have to keep at it if I want to see any kind of result.
Wow, what a fucking boring post.
xo
lb
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