Single Passenger Vehicle.

Another Saturday in the "new" way of doing things. I use that term loosely since I'm basically carrying on with what I've been doing all along, but just doing it on my own. It's strange not to have the goal of the weigh-in on the weekly horizon, or the promise of hearing the people of my meeting share their successes and their issues.

I'm really starting to come to grips with this change, which is nice. Hopefully my posts will be a little less of a downer (sorry) and more about the process and (hopefully) success.

Stepping on my scale this morning, I was pleased to see that 3 of the regained pounds had kindly pissed off to wherever it is they go. I walked to and from work every day this week, with the exception of Thursday night when I bussed over to the Flight Centre to buy my plane ticket to Yellowknife (more about that in a moment). I've changed my walking routine to switch it up a little, it used to be the same route to and from, but I've changed it so that my morning walk is a different, more challenging walk. It helps break up the boredom and it's getting me used to hills again.

Yes, Yellowknife! I am FINALLY making the trip up north to see my friend Beth and her family. I've never flown before, so this is pretty exciting. I need to get away for a little while, to experience something new and see new and cool things. So, I'll be spending 8 days up there with them and home in time to cheer on my local derby girls in their home opener. Nice!

So, here comes another week of trying to do what's right. Let's keep going and see what happens.

xo
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Pause.

It was weird waking up yesterday knowing that I wasn't going to my meeting. I knew I wouldn't see my usual people, I wouldn't hear what the topic was for the day, I wouldn't be standing on the scale. It was weird. I'm still torn up about what to do.

I described how I'm feeling to a friend as "the middle of a break-up". Where you don't know which direction you'll go in, and from here on in, nothing will ever feel like it did before.

Simply put, I do not know what I will do. I was taken down by the flu this week, so it wasn't a good measure of how I would do outside of my usual program. I'm registering with a new family doctor this week who has a nutritionist on staff who's services are covered by our provincial health care. That is an avenue I'd like to explore, also I will be going back to my beloved Y so I can get back in the pool.

But, I already miss the saturday community feeling. Being around other people who suffer through what I do on a daily basis, and the guidance of an amazing leader.

Right now, I'm full of sadness and doubt, but I'm also filled with the desire to change. I hope the answer comes soon, because the main focus of my life being up in the air doesn't feel too great.

XO
LB

Conflict.

I reached a breaking point today, tears and all. Not a good day.

Another extremely disappointing week at the scales, despite a week of excellent eating, consistent tracking and good activity.

Today, I've had enough.

I believe in the program and it's very nice that it's working for many other people. It just so happens to not be working for me. I'm not saying this without giving it a fair shot. I've been on board since the Canadian launch in December of last year, and while it's going swimmingly for many other people in my meeting, it has sent my progress right down the shitter.

Instead of leaving in a rage (and believe me, getting up and walking out was what I wanted to do more than anything), I stayed for the meeting and I waited out the program knowledge session for the new members. I talked to my leader (who is extremely awesome) and before I could even get my first sentence out, I was in tears. THAT is how frustrated I am. We went through my tracker, and nothing is standing out as being the reason why the new numbers aren't working with me.

I made it clear that I can't really justify spending money every week on something that just isn't working for me personally. And when you have as far to go as I do, you have to be realistic in your planning.

My leader is awesome and gave me the option of taking a few weeks off to think everything over and then return if I wanted to. She's always been very accommodating, and I appreciate that.

I really don't know what I will do or where else I would go from here. There's nothing out there that is suited to me or that I'm willing to dedicate as much time and effort to. I'm so conflicted and feeling very lost. It's terrifying, because I'm nowhere near where I need to be.

I'm cold, I'm tired and I'm far from home.

LB

Digging out.

Once again, I kind of fell off the blog radar. I kind of want to apologize, but really, do you guys need that? Lots of bloggers are finding their way back and apologizing for being incommunicado. I can't say that I'm sorry for not saying much lately, mostly because if I did churn out some generic posts, it would be total boringtown and I think that's more of a disservice to you guys than me going radio silent for a bit.

Or I could be an insensitive jackass, so if my absence bothers or concerns you, just give me a shout! I would definitely blog on demand.

So, what's been going on over here? Not a whole hell of a lot. Winter is so fucking boring. Everything seems dormant and hibernating, and I'm no exception. Aside from yoga at least once a week and resuming my walk to and from work, it's just work and sleep. I'm dying for the snow to be gone for good and for summer funsies to resume.

I miss patios, t-shirts and cute shoes. I miss big sunglasses, beach days and warm breezes. I miss (safe) sun tans and freckles on my nose. I'm starting to get the spring fever, that's pretty clear.

I suppose I should talk about weight loss, even though I don't really want to. I know, the fact that I don't want to blather on about the main thing in my life is astonishing, even to me. Fact is, I'm pissed.

Now, let it be said: I am not shit talking the program in general, nor am I opposed to it. Without those number values or the amazing staff of the organization, I would not be where I am today. I would still be wallowing in my own crapulence or even worse off than I was before. I love what I have achieved thus far and am looking forward to getting even further.

Now, let this be said (again): I'm pissed. I'm pissed that I can't seem to make the new numbers work for me. I was doing really well on Momentum, but now? Not so much. The past three weeks I was creeping upward at each weigh in, to the point where I had gained back 6 of those hard fought lost pounds. Despite doing everything I was supposed to do, it was up, up, up.

Thankfully, this week I saw a 2lb loss, but knowing that most of that was water was disheartening. I'm stuck. I am fucking stuck. I've done everything I know to do to bust up a plateau. I have to admit that this new plan may not be for me, and if things continue to be shit next week, I will probably go back to counting Momentum style.

I'm not being stubborn and resistant to change. I've seen a lot of that attitude floating around and it sucks. I've been giving the new program the old college try since december and it ain't really doin' it for me. Maybe it's time to go back to what I know works. we shall see.

I will try not to suck as much and be back next week!

Peace oot!
xo
LB

Flashing Cursor

Things around here are fine, I didn't post last week because I actually didn't go to my meeting due to scheduling conflicts (doesn't that make me sound important?).

Weigh-in yesterday was fine, up a pound, but not the end of the world. My eating was great this week, and with some further fine tuning, I should be back to kicking out the jams in no time. My mind is getting right again.

I'm also in love with yoga of the hot variety. It does wonders for my ankle and leg (which is still recuperating, even after all this time) and for my brain. This week I'm going to turn up the efforts and try for 3 sessions. One of my best friends is going to be joining me for at least one of those sessions and seeing as he's the most yogafied person I know, I'm looking forward to it. He's never tried hot yoga before, so I'm interested to see what he thinks of it.

Other than that, things are kinda boring around here, but that's not a complaint. If eating well and being kind to myself is the rut I'm stuck in, fine by me. Eating like shit and being horrible or ignoring my own needs will only kill me and never serve a valid purpose.

Have a good week, bloggites!

xo
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The numbers just crunched me.

ahahahha WHOA.

Ages ago, I started eating oat bran cereal that I get by the shovel-full in a bulk store. Now, I'm not 100% sure where I got the nutritional info to calculate the old points for it, but I finally sat down and looked up the bulk store's version of the info and ahahahahah it turns out I've been shovelling 9 points+ worth of cereal into my gullet every morning (combined with 2tsp of healthy oil for 2p+, brown sugar for 2p+, and canned pumpkin which is awesome at zero p+ for 1 cup) so that's a whopping 13 pointsplus for my breakfast, not including my coffee. I was definitely doing some inaccurate accounting up until now, and considering that sometimes my breakfast food also serves as my dinner, I'm spending waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many of my daily 40 on it.

This little adventure in reality based accounting is really helping me get my head back around what I'm doing here. I fully admit that I'm being lazy. I am not working as hard as I could/should be at ditching this lard. I could lay the blame on any number of things, but what it comes down to is that I'm not working hard enough.

I need to smarten up.

I didn't do anything positive this week. I didn't track, I didn't go to yoga, I ate boring food that just served a purpose and wasn't enjoyed. Ridiculous.

Things will change this week. I've already got my tracker going, I've started exploring recipes on skinnytaste.com so I can get some tasty variety happening, and I'm committing to at least 1 hot yoga class this week, hopefully more than that.

I've pulled myself out of the pit before, and it's time to start clawing again.

There's a world of difference between being in the pit and being in the trenches.

xo
LB

Apply Heat.

Not much to report this week. Man, I'm such a boring blogger these days, that's why there was such a huge gap there for a while.

Up 1.2, but no worries. I had lost 2 weeks in a row, so it's no shock to see a bit of a gain.

The most exciting thing this week was that I finally took advantage of the fact that I have a great yoga studio on my block. For reals, it's literally down the street from me. I don't even have to cross the street to get there.

Monday night, I waddled down to the Yoga Shack and did the beginner Hot Yoga class. Dudes, it was amazing. It was really sweaty and really great. Possibly the greatest benefit is that I had no pain in the frankenleg the next day which was a welcome change.

Now, I have 40 days of unlimited yoga and I plan on using it as much as I can work into my schedule. It's a positive change and I'm absolutely thrilled to be starting this new activity. Anything that helps with the chronic shin splints I still have is okay by me.

Here we go with another week, keep it real!

xo
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