Week 3 (kind of)

Another week of following plan and being a good lard ditcher, and it paid off with the scale going down another pound. there are a couple of things I could have done better with this week, but overall, I kept it real and reaped the benefits. Considering my work related rage/stress level, the fact that I stayed on program and lost a pound is a goddamn miracle.

In the meeting today we talked about the time we put into our program efforts and how they work into our daily lives. I noticed that I scoffed to myself when the topic of "not having time to track" came up. What shocked me about said scoff was that I used to be a non-tracker. Not out of a lack of time, but out of sheer laziness with a hint of denial.

Looking back at my last go-round, I can see that later on, I got really goddamn lazy. So lazy that I couldn't even be accountable for how much food I was consuming or the laziness that prevented me from measuring the food and tracking it all.

This time, it is different. Food scale is front and centre on the counter. Tracker is with me at all times. And most importantly, the accountability is there. Every goddamn thing that I eat is getting written down and alloted the correct points plus values.

And it feels fucking awesome.

I know the progress will be slow, but the effort and the desire to succeed is back. I have another 12lbs to go in order to get back to my lowest weight, but I know that will happen sooner than later.

Hopefully this week will be a little more exciting to write about. I'm still trying to get back into the habit of getting words up here. Bear with me!

XO
LB

Timing Being What It Is (i.e.: Everything)

You know, I really could have timed my illustrious return to fat camp a little better than I did. Sure, I was all gung ho and ready to go, but I really could have taken two seconds to look at the calendar and realize that my first weigh-in would coincide with the good ol' Mother Nature Piggy Back. But of course, I didn't.

Oh....bra-vo. *clap........clap.......clap*

Despite my folly, I stayed on program and tracked religiously all week long, even though I knew it was going to be a fucking shit show on the scales. That didn't matter. I am still in it to win it and let me tell you that this week, I won it on diligence alone.

Not to mention that I still managed to ditch 2lbs as well.

Let's see what can be done this week. I've got a pen, some paper and a plan, and that's good enough for me.

XO
LB

Another Kick at the Can.

Yesterday was the day that I returned to WW. It is the right thing to do. How do I know? I was actually excited about going back in the days leading up to it. That's a big deal. If there had been even as much as a hint of dread or apprehension, I wouldn't have done it. My brain is the boss, and if gives me a red flag, then I need to listen.

But all systems were go, and go I did. It felt great getting up, hopping on the bus and getting myself back into the Saturday routine that I have missed over the past 6 months. The staff at my regular meeting are beyond great. Smiles all around and a truly great welcome back, especially from my leader who demanded a hug before I even stepped on the scale.

What the scale read was no real surprise to me, I already knew that I had gained some weight during my time off. Not as bad as I had thought, since I had forgotten how much I weighed when I stopped going back in March. I was up 7 lbs from that weight, 11lbs off my all time lowest. Really, that's not bad at all considering that I haven't been doing a goddamn thing to help myself. I could have really gone off the rails and gained back all the weight and more. Thankfully, that's not the case.

So, here I sit. Breakfast on my mind, and then the task of planning out my meals so I can go grocery shopping. This is the structure I need, and the weekly weigh-in is the incentive I need. This is not new information, but perhaps it needed to be burned on my brain again.

I have the most amazing level of love and support as I head into this again, and I couldn't be more appreciative. It's awesome, and it makes me smile.

Alright, here we go.

XO
LB

Leash required.

I've learned something in the months that I've been away from WW: I need the leash.

Sure, classifying the accountability to others, and the self-responsibility that comes with it as "the leash" may sound a bit harsh, but I assure you that it is not.

I haven't gone off the rails and gained back all the weight, I haven't renewed my love affair with any fast food chains, nor have I reunited with my old friend pudding. What I have discovered is that if I don't have the boot in the ass, I simply won't pay attention to myself and what I'm doing.

The incentive of the weigh-in and paying for what I'm doing has always been one of the big parts of what I'm trying to achieve. When I left, I had hit a wall and I couldn't justify paying for it anymore. Fair enough. Few people could fault me for that. Hell, even my leader couldn't fault me for that. But I started thinking that maybe if I went back now, clean slate and clear mind, it might be different.

There's a good chance my brain, consciously or otherwise, could have been stubborn. Or lazy. Probably both, I'm familiar with its past work.

So, barring some massive change of heart, I will head back to camp on Saturday. The more I think about it, the more it feels like the right decision. Time and numbers will tell.

As you were.

XO
LB

Every War Chief Needs An Advisor.

Tomorrow sees another press of the restart button when it comes to this battle. Not just a do-over, it's an tactical change.

A little while ago, I was lucky enough to finally get a new family doctor. here in Longdong, Ontario, that is no small feat right now. What's even better is that this doctor has a dietitian on staff who's services are covered by our provincial health care plan. Of course, I'm totally down with that, and tomorrow is my first appointment.

In the months since I left WW, nothing has changed. Actually, I've gained a few pounds, but that's no shock because I haven't been tracking my food. But for the most part, I'm stuck. Fucking stuck.

Tomorrow's appointment doesn't come without my usual level of medical-professional-apprehension. They always make me nervous and the thought of dealing with them stresses me out to the max. It sucks.

The "what ifs" are bouncing around my brain, mostly worst case scenarios. What if she says "You were doing what you're supposed to be doing, I have no idea why it isn't working. You're fucked. Run along, fatty." (actually, I kind of want her to say that word for word because it would be hilarious, and then I'd trash her office).

Or what if she says "go back to WW"? I loved it, but it simply stopped working for me, and I can't justify paying that money for something that simply isn't working for me. Maybe she'll pay for it.

Stress aside, I know tomorrow's appointment is a step in the right direction. I want to be healthy, and I need to sharpen my focus on what it is I want to achieve. I know I can't do it alone, so it's time to call in a pro.

Fingers crossed as I move forward in this (slightly) new direction.

xo
lb

We keep going, because that's what we do.

Excellent things are happening around here that put a much welcomed smile on my face. Fun, creative things that I have missed. More than just knitting, too. I am aware of the shocking nature of that last sentence.

Mostly, it's knitterly and musical stuff that is making me so happy these days, but also I've seen a personal revolution in the foods that I'm eating, and my attitude toward a lot of things Ever since I got back from Yellowknife, my food choices have been pretty goddamn awesome, and regardless of whether or not I choose to stand on a scale (which I don't, these days), I feel great and I know I'm on the right track.

But the return to much loved creative pursuits has me feeling even better, so don't be surprised if there are more posts about that too. I'll still make with the ditch the lard posts as well, but as long as it puts a smile on my face, I'll write about it.

It feels good to be me again, it's been a shitty deal for the past little while (Yellowknife excluded, obviously). But now, it's time to get back to what matters and what's important: me being awesome. ahaha

xo
lb

I took myself away to bring myself back.

I have returned from the North, and let me tell you, it was amazing on a number of levels.

Not only did I get to have a nice long visit with a great friend and her family, but I also got to see some of the most beautiful surroundings this country has to offer, and experience flying for the first time. Yup, it took me 35 years to hop on a plane somewhere. ridiculous, eh?

The weather was STUNNING. Sure, there was still ice in Yellowknife Bay (keep in mind, this is northern Canada we're talking about, and spring has just sprung there), but it's in the process of what they call "break up", so soon enough, the ice will be gone for a while.

We had PERFECT weather there, and it was cool that I didn't see nighttime the while I was there. There was still dusky daylight happening after midnight, which was so neat.

Needless to say (although I think I already have in a way), I fell in love with Yellowknife and can't wait to go back as soon as possible. I wouldn't mind checking it out in winter, since their winter is FAR better than Ontario winters since they don't get the sleet/slush crap we have to deal with down here. None of that freezing rain bullshit, just super cold and squeaky snow. That I could handle.

I think that one of the highlights of this experience was a small victory that was actually a big victory for me, some of you will understand why. As I mentioned earlier, this was my first flying experience. I really wasn't sure what the seat comfort and seat belt situation was going to be like. Well, I'm proud to say that not only did I comfortably fit in all the plane seats I had, but I also did NOT have to ask for a seat belt extender.

For me, that's a huge victory. I thought for sure that I'd need one. It reminded me that progress is happening, and I actually have physical proof.

Now, it's time to refocus and get back on the wagon. It's time to get back to the gym and hopefully to yoga. It's time for more change, more change for the better.

I can hear the air raid sirens in the distance. I can hear the bombers flying in overhead. I can hear the batons clacking on the riot shields. The time has come to reinstate my personal War Measures Act.

It's time to escalate everything, and now that my brain is calibrated, I know that I have what it takes to get to where I want to be.

It's back to being a one woman army, I've missed this feeling.

xo
LB